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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24975547">All About You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/average_writer/pseuds/average_writer'>average_writer</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Co-workers, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Smut, Work In Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:08:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>25,575</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24975547</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/average_writer/pseuds/average_writer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>(Y/N) is now a part of the behavioral analisyst unit at Quantico. She had never knew what exactly she was seeking most of the time, that is until she looked into the eyes of a complex genius Doctor Reid. Maybe both of them will give each other exactly what they need.</p><p>OR;</p><p>There isn't enough lovely Spencer out there huh?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Spencer Reid/Reader, Spencer Reid/You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>190</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The FBI’s BAU did not accept mentees, you had known that ever since the first case resolved by the team had ended up in your hands back at Seattle. Because of that the moment that your supervisor had offered you a Mentorship that could end on a full time Job at Quantico you had accepted it. You knew the position didn’t exist, and you knew why it was created. A couple of months back a serial killer was terrorizing the streets of Downtown Bellevue, and you had given your supervisor a detailed profile. The profile happened to match to a T that given to the policemen from one agent Aaron Hotchner. Your job wasn’t to profile anyone, nothing like that. But this was your community and as soon as word started going around you had gone to your supervisor. He had already called the BAU by that time, and when he heard the words coming from the Agent he shot a look at you, who was sitting in the very back transcribing a couple of old files. </p><p>The elevator’s door opened, you took a deep breath in, shaking your whole body trying to get rid of the stress. you were wearing a pencil skirt and your more professional button up. You knew you wouldn’t be going into the field the first couple of weeks, that gave you little to none wiggle room in your outfit options. You were met by a man standing right in front of the elevator, dark eyes scanning you briefly before extending his hand.</p><p>“You must be  Agent (Y/L/N), I am Unit chief  Aaron Hotchner”</p><p>“Agent Hotchner, it is a pleasure to meet you.” You shook his hand, observing the man in front of you. Although this is the first time you had met him it was not the first time you had seen him. SSA Hotchner was a very well known man in the bureau. He paid regular visit everytime his team was near.</p><p>“It is a pleasure to meet you too, Let me tell you we were quite impressed by your resume”, He had just told you what you believed could be a compliment, but he sounded like he was just stating facts. “The team is right now about to board a plane”, he explained himself as he walked towards what you knew would be the meeting room. “I think I will assign you to shadow from here for the time being. Head of Staff will assign a desk to you, in the meantime I want you to read over some of the closed cases.” He said pointing at a small pile of cases placed on the middle of the round table. you nodded and before you knew it he was gone, his pace now a little faster than before. </p><p>You were used to working alone, your job back in Seattle was to check some of the closed cases, make sure any liability issues were taken care of. Occasionally you followed your supervisor to oversee some cases, at the end of the day you still had the same training as your field colleagues.  The FBI wasn’t your first option either, but your new coworkers did not have to know that. An M.S. in Psychology preceded you and initially you had very different plans as to what you were doing now. While you started reading the cases you asked yourself the million dollar question: Why were you here?</p><p> </p><p>Transitions were something that came naturally to you. It had been a lot easier than you thought it would be, at least at the beginning. First shadowing assignment was to Penelope Garcia. Hotchner had introduced you very quickly to the team as soon as they came back, giving you names. Warning you that they did not profile one another. You had understood that, but you also knew that coming as an outsider you already had a disadvantage. They had left you with Garcia when they left for a kidnapper case in the south. </p><p>Penelope Garcia was by any definition of the word, outgoing. She was confident in herself and her work. She surrounded herself by various trinkets that brought her happiness, something she probably often needed. She seemed to appreciate the fact that you kept your files in your lap the whole time you were in her office. She seemed very well liked by every member of the team, and with good reason. The woman was an angel of hope in the grimiest situations. As precious as she was as soon as she got herself behind the monitor she was nothing short of a wizard. By the end of the assignment she had made a comment about inviting you to girl’s night next time, and you had made it clear that it would only happen if you bought the first round. Overall the first shadowing assignment had gone very well.</p><p>Agent Jennifer Jareau was the next person you shadowed. For that you had gone for the first trip with the team. JJ had been friendly the whole plane ride although short was filled by her telling you about what her job entails. As the Liaison she held herself proudly, she was professional all around. Firm when she needed, and amicable when allowed. She coordinated entire groups of policeman and journalist and made sure that the information she was giving was clear. The case had been a little delicate, involving children. Even then she knew exactly what to say and expect. When the case was over you could see a glooming cloud on her head, but you didn’t mention it choosing to instead focus on how she was showing you to file the case. The very next day she had approached your desk and told you how good of a work you did, called you a fast learner and gave you a warm smile. </p><p>Next came Derek Morgan, it was easy for you to know one thing about him, he liked his privacy. Agent Morgan was a recreator with a short temper. Although he was friendly and a little bit flirty he had no patience for incompetence. Not when he was on a case. THis particular case involved a bomb threat, Derek’s area of expertise. The reason you had been assigned to him is because he might’ve needed help. He explained to you a little about his background in bomb squad, you had listen and inserted comments as needed. It had become quite obvious that Derek saw the team as his family, and that his short temper did not apply to the BAU. If anything his personality was solely to protect his team. By the time everyone was back at Quantico he approached you and Hotchner as he was asking you how the past weeks had been. “Let me tell you Hotch, this one right here is a good one.” That had been the whole comment, but you knew that coming from him was approval. </p><p>The next case, series of robberies in rural minnesota you shadowed Agents Hotchner and Rossi. The two had partnered up for this one and were doing most of the interviewing. Agent David Rossi, Senior Agent with the FBI. You had learned that this job for him was his life. So much experience in the FBI had made him a very complex person. You knew better than to just listen at the stories he had told you about his past cases. Watched him handle his job knowing it wasn’t the first time, nor was it the last one, that he had stood there calculating. He had quipped how he had an affinity for the dramatic. Agent Hotchner on the other hand, had been a little more quiet, calculating. You had noticed how he took great care of the team on the field. Asked you if you had questions constantly and made sure that the little job you could do wasn’t going unappreciated. To be honest with yourself shadowing men like them wasn’t easy. They were both well versed in their jobs, yet really different.  You had wondered which one would you be in the future. In the ride back home both of them congratulated you for the work you had done, and Emily who was reading a book across from you had smiled at you. “I want to work with you next”, she had announced loudly. Hotchner merely nodding as in approving the request.</p><p>Not even three days later a case of disappearing women hit the BAU’s table. Emily had shown you all the information in the trip to Texas, even having time to show you a couple of old similar cases. You liked Emily quickly, she always made sure you were next to her. She made sure you had the same information as her, and communicated often with you. She let you do your own thing and followed you for a while. You were quick to know why. Agent Prentiss, much like you, was playing a men’s game. With the FBI having a male majority and the amount of guys out there she knew what it felt like. That didn’t stop her from making her voice heard, and making sure yours was too. You clicked instantly, to the point that your team work had decipher the identity of the unsub. You felt immensely proud after that one. On the ride back her and you shared some anecdotes of the past.  At the beginning of the trip you thought she was trying to overcompensate, and although she was. She stood as a brilliant detective by her own merits.</p><p>Before you knew it, it had been two and a half months since you joined the BAU, in about twenty days you would have an assessment in which Hotch would inform the FBI whether you were needed on the team permanently, and you had to make the choice to accept or decline it.</p><p>That cold monday morning you had walked in to work clutching the cup of coffee in between your hands, although you weren’t late the team was normally much earlier than everyone else. Especially since you had a case already in hand. You stood near the door in the meeting room, Hotchner and JJ briefing the rest of the team. A serial Arsonist, in rural arkansas. A phone call made to 911 was played and Hotch waited to hear theories.</p><p>“A Trauma Holder”, you had whispered more loudly than you had planned.</p><p>“D.I.D.?” Dr Reid who you did not realized was in front of you had completely turn to face you now.</p><p>“Well I…”</p><p>“Tell us what you are thinking (Y/N)”, Hotch said encouraging but clearly giving an order.</p><p>“I was reading the case on the train and well, the very first fire seemed to be accidental, less of an explosion and more of an accident. The reason why we put them together is because of the accelerant mixture. The phone call though is what makes me wonder, The child’s voice doesn’t sound natural as Agent Prentiss pointed out. It is possible that the Umsub made the phone call while in a child alter and then switch. You can clearly hear the voice saying I came out to protect you…”</p><p>“People with dissociative identity disorder are in average are less likely to commit crimes let alone arson...” Spencer had started.</p><p>“Yes, but there’s a possibility. JJ pointed out how this area is known for their extremes religious bases. If we are looking for someone with a mental illness we are looking at someone who has been marginalized, probably shamed. That can drive any person to commit grave things.” You paused for just a second, realizing you probably just interrupted the Doctor and his statistics. Not backing down you continued, ”If you add that to the fact that in my research on the town the nearest psychiatrist is a three hour drive, we might be looking at someone who was pushed to the edge. An individual whose Trauma Holder alter came out and is not backing down.”</p><p>You had finished what had felt like years of rambling and looked around the room, Hotchner and Rossi had what seemed to be thinking looks on their faces. JJ look a little proud writing some stuff down. Garcia was not typing some information on the computer now probably fact checking your words. </p><p>“She is right, about both things, the pitch of both voices is sustained the whole call. And the nearest psychiatrist office is about two and a half hours from the town”, Garcia said giving you an impress look. </p><p>Emily had a full on smile on her face looking at you now. and Morgan nodded his head in agreement as he crossed his arms. Your eyes landed now on Dr. Spencer Reid, who stood up in front of you.</p><p>“If you don’t mind Hotch”, He said looking at you directly. His tall lean frame contrasting  your much shorter one. “I would like (y/n) to shadow me in this assignment. I think she might be onto something here”</p><p>You looked at him in the eyes, trying to profile him as you had done the others. Nothing. In the two months of working here you had barely talked to Spencer, that was the thing with Shadowing, you had to be with your agents at all times, to learn as much as possible. It didn’t give you time to socialize. If you were being honest you never thought Spencer would volunteer to have you shadow him. Mostly because he gave you a serious vibe, the genius had a mind that had a life on its own. Gears turning all the time he was one to think alone. This would be a very interesting assignment, you thought as you gave him a polite nod . The other reason why you never thought that Reid would ask you to shadow him is because, if you were honest with yourself. You found the doctor completely adorable.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I will add a little trigger warning, but it's nothing that would not be on the show so I hope I'm in the clear here.</p>
<p>As always I appreciate feedback. The work is not betta'd</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You did not have a crush on Dr. Reid. That would be unprofessional and childish. You had found Dr. Reid to be an attractive man. There was something about his dorkiness, and his cluelessness even when he was a genius. He had barely talked to you since you started, only asking you stuff about cases and keeping his answers and questions shorts. You had figured he wasn’t fond of you. That had to be it, because why else would he be always seeming to overtalk with everyone else.</p>
<p>The Doctor had been quite the whole plane ride, just giving you information as he looked over the case. You thought of just how different the approach of every agent was. If this was his, so be it. You were here to shadow and help him. You also knew… you knew from the way his body tensed when he heard you talking about D.I.D. That had confirmed the rumors that had circulated all the way to Seattle. The genius on the BAU had an accident a couple of years back, he had ended up real badly. You were not here to judge… you reminded yourself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Guys… once we step out of the plane we are in a hostile situation, most of us have seen how places like these treat us. I want you to take care of each other out there.” Hotch had said firmly after the briefing. The arsonist had set up three fires before taking the first victim, the town Sheriff. That may have been the only reason the FBI was called.</p>
<p>Hotch was not exaggerating. The first day had been brutal. You guys had a wife coming in a demanding justice be serve, while also carrying a rifle and pointing it at everyone. There had been some real hesitant possible witnesses who may or may not have threatened law enforcement officers. JJ had step in horse poop, but that really wasn’t the town’s fault. </p>
<p>The weirdest thing that happened though, happened to you. As you guys were inspecting the first crime scene you had decided to wonder not too far from the group, following a streak of ashes. “Do not separate from the group.” Dr Reid had said talking firmly and loud to you when he cutted from the corner to find you. His voice made you actually take a step back and go back to where Hotch was looking, almost apologetically? The Doctor had not directed another word at you.</p>
<p>“Ugh”, you groaned as you finally entered the hotel room. There were situations in which it was best for safety reasons to partner up in the rooms. This was one of the situations. It was only logical for you and Reid to partner up. At the end of the day Rossi said that he prefered taking his chances than sharing a room. Morgan and Hotch were going to share one instead.</p>
<p>The two of you put your bags in the beds, you taking a little go bag you had with toiletries. “I shower in the morning”, you decided to break the silence, “You can take all the hot water that you want I’m just going to refresh myself”. You said thinking that was enough explanation before entering the bathroom briefly. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>When you came out The Doctor was ready with a bundle to get in the bathroom, you moved aside to make way. Now actually looking at the room. Pale tainted walls contrasting with the bedspreads that seemed to be rock hard against a very stained mattress. You didn’t consider yourself to be a germaphobe, but who wouldn’t be in that situation? </p>
<p>By the time Reid had come out of the bathroom you were sitting cross legged in a couch that situated in front of the beds, weirdly it seemed to be the less used thing in the room. You were too caught in your reading to really notice what he was doing.</p>
<p>“Can I sit here?”, he asked, his voice lower than it needed to be. You moved over now putting your legs almost under you so that he could sit on the other end.</p>
<p>“Yes sir”. You moved over now putting your legs almost under you so that he could sit on the other end.</p>
<p>“Please, call me Spencer, or Reid”, he said opening his own book, you noticed how the pages moved at a considerably faster rate than yours. “I wanted to apologize”, he finally broke the silence. His voice sounded genuine.</p>
<p>“There’s no need”, you said and gave him a quick smile before putting your eyes back in your book.</p>
<p>“What are you reading?”, he asked, now curious. You flashed him the cover for him to read. “Collection of poems by Pablo Neruda”, He nodded his head. “You understand spanish?”</p>
<p>“I’m Fluent”, you replied now folding the edge of the page so you could see where you were.</p>
<p>“I always wondered if he was better in his own language than the translations, you know some things can be lost.”</p>
<p>“I think he is just as good in English as he is in Spanish. I definitely understand what you’re saying though”, You said now looking at him who was looking pensive, but then again when wasn’t he.</p>
<p>“If nothing saves us from death, at least love should save us from life.” he said quoting. Ok, now you definitely definitely had a crush on the doctor</p>
<p>“Yep, Neruda”, You smiled before getting your hands in your bag pulling out a way too big ziploc bag of trail mix. “Please don’t judge me, I prefered to go light on dinner based on the situation.” He looked at me puzzled. “If I chew too loudly you can tell me”, you said hoping that had been what was going through his head.</p>
<p>“You make your own trail mix?”, He asked the same puzzled look.</p>
<p>“Of course, how else am I supposed to get a mix with dried mango instead of raisins, or without an insane amount of peanuts.”, you said matter of factly.<br/>“They are one of the most readily available nuts, not to mention cheap in bulk. They also are rich in protein and the good kind of oil.”, He said eyeing the bag.</p>
<p>“You can have some of the good trail mix if you want”, you said placing the bag between the two of you. “What are you reading?”, you said now that your eyes had landed on the book on his hands.</p>
<p>“Fahrenheit 451”, he said showing you the cover.</p>
<p>“Appropriate”, you nodded, “I have not read that book since High School”, you said now eating some of the trail mix.</p>
<p>“Yeah me neither, although I remember it completely, and I was like 11 back then”, he said a braggy tone on his voice.</p>
<p>“Yeah very modest of you”, you giggled this time at his expression. He scrunched his face and shook his head, before looking at you in the face and letting a smile slip in his face.</p>
<p>After a while of just staring at each other you both decided to go back to your respective books. Nothing weird here you thought. But you had noticed how his pace of reading was now much slower, almost as fast as yours.</p>
<p>“Do we have to sleep on those beds?”, you asked after an hour, standing up and eyeing the bed. </p>
<p>“Looks like it”, He said stretching.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next two days were just more of the same, following dead ends. Going back to the hotel and sitting to read for a while. The case was taking longer than anyone expected and it also seemed impossible with no one in the town helping. You woke up to a soft rumble, it sounded like a heavy fabric making friction. You opened your eyes and the little light from outside gave you a good idea about what was happening. Reid was having a nightmare, now with soft mumbles and whimpers clearly coming out of his mouth. You saw the clock 6am. You decided to give him some privacy in the vulnerable moment and take a shower.</p>
<p>You weren’t even five minutes out of the shower when a knocked came from the door. You narrowed your eyes and looked through the peephole as Morgan seemed anxious.</p>
<p>“Good morning”, you said waiting for his response, there was a reason why he was there so early.</p>
<p>“We got another one, the priest is dead”, he said his voice heavy.</p>
<p>“The guy you interviewed yesterday?”, you asked, even if you knew he was the only one.</p>
<p>“Yeah, wake Reid up, let’s meet in 15 at the church.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The car ride was tense, you looked through the windows as the land became bigger and bigger. You hoped that this lead didn’t turn out empty like the others. Some kids had seen the lights of an old barn being turned on in the evening. The ringing from you phone made you jump a little bit before eyeing and answering on speaker.</p>
<p>“(y/n) here”, you announced.</p>
<p>“Hey girl”, Garcia said on her usual friendly tone “So guess what, the information you wanted on the town? nothing, squeaky clean.”</p>
<p>“Nothing?”, Reid asked furrowing his eyebrows.</p>
<p>“Nada, almost creepy. There are no reports of any kind, aside from a couple of eaten goats the town appears to be the happiest most crime free place on America”</p>
<p>“Yeah I pretty much doubt that”, You said when you reached your destination. a two story abandoned barn next to the train tracks. </p>
<p>“Let us know if you find anything”, Reid said.</p>
<p>“yep, you sexy people be safe out there.”, she said now hanging up.</p>
<p>“A tight community where no one puts one complain to the police? If I hadn’t been here already I would move here.”, You said sarcastically.</p>
<p>“Yeah…”, Reid said his gears turning. </p>
<p>“What?”, you asked following him to the top of a small hill that was separating the train tracks and the barn.</p>
<p>“You know? There are reports that as many as 46 people were present when Rex McElroy was shot, yet the investigation that took place came out empty.”, he started looking around.</p>
<p>“The town bully”, you nodded your head. “He was a monster.”</p>
<p>“There was this agreement in the town, it had been the best thing to do.” he said pointing with his head at the train tracks, the patch of dirt and grass seemed well travelled.</p>
<p>“Why call the FBI?”, you asked knowing where his head was going to.</p>
<p>“To show that everyone tried their best.” he thought for a second, a very distinctive smell came to you both. Gasoline. “Call hotchner”</p>
<p>You did exactly that, calling him to your location. you hadn’t hang up the phone yet when a loud noise from the barn alerted Reid and you. Everything that happened next happened quickly. Reid had taken the lead when you tripped in your own steps. Immediately after picking yourself up you held your breath. A teenage boy was holding Reid with a gun to his head.</p>
<p>“Please…”You heard Reid say. The boy was taller than him as well as heavier, a tormented expression on his face.</p>
<p>“He did this, to us”, The voice had been the same as the 911 call. Once you looked behind him a group on 10 teenagers were on the barn surrounded by a wet circle of what you assume was the accelerant. In that moment it dawned on you.</p>
<p>“You are Jack… the Sheriff's son.”  You had said calmly putting your gun down.</p>
<p>“I am not Jack, and that man is not my father”, he said, venom on his tongue.</p>
<p>“You are right I’m sorry. Is Jack there?”, you ask cautiously looking between him and Spencer.</p>
<p>“He doesn’t want to be here. He is hurt”</p>
<p>“I know… I know what he did to you, to all of you, but these boys are innocent.”, you said looking at the boys.</p>
<p>“They know what he did. I am going to save them”, He said now his eyes watering.</p>
<p>“Your father was wrong, he should have listened to you.”, you said your voice as calm and as soft as possible, “But you are not them, you are better, you deserve a lot better. Let them go please. Let my friend go, he is a good guy I promise.”</p>
<p>“There are no good guys, I’m not even a good guy.” The boy said more altered now, a dark expression in him, your whole body shook when he spoke next. “He killed Jack, Jack is dead…” a moment of clarity was seen pass through his face giving Spencer the time to run forward before the boy shot the gun. Aiming it at himself.  You could hear sirens in the distance. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Your vision went from completely dark to illuminated by some of the lights of the buildings. Your forehead pressed against the cold window. You felt someone sitting in front of you in the small round table. His legs so long they pressed against your own, you closed your eyes.</p>
<p>“It never goes away…”, He said trying to keep his voice down, everyone including Hotch was sleeping or too tired to pretend to be awake, you had actually thought Reid was too.</p>
<p>You looked at him inviting him to clarify, although you knew what it meant.</p>
<p>“It lingers, it changes you.”, He said looking at you directly in your eyes. “It makes you think that you cannot handle the job, although that is the thing that will make you a better person, and in the end a better profiler.” </p>
<p>“If he had at least one person have his back maybe…”</p>
<p>“That is not part of our job, but because of you eleven boys are sleeping in their beds tonight. Twelve if you count me.”</p>
<p>“You are very optimist if you think we’ll make it to DC before sunrise”, you said lessening the tension. He chuckled.</p>
<p>The two of you stayed quiet for a while.</p>
<p>“Why did you chose the BAU?”, he asked, his voice lower than it needed to be. You looked up at him again. “I read your file… you had been invited to other branches through the year, why this one?” He said his voice wrapped  in curiosity.</p>
<p>“I thought there wasn’t any profiling between agents”, You chuckled moving in your seat.</p>
<p>Reid leaned towards you slightly, the air in the plane getting heavier. You mimicked him, your faces now closer that what is was appropriate.</p>
<p>“You read my file… you tell me”, you said your voice now slightly deeper.</p>
<p>In that moment the two of you heard soft steps in the carpet, someone in the back had woken up to use the restroom, the air was light again as the two of you separated. </p>
<p>“I’m going to try and take a nap”, You said knowing that your conversation was cut short. You sank in the leather before hugging yourself, as you felt Reid standing up.</p>
<p>“(y/n)?” He said again in his low voice.</p>
<p>“What is it?”, you mumbled, letting the tiredness get you.</p>
<p>“Thank you”, he said before you felt a soft fabric on top of you. You opened your eyes long enough to notice it was his sweater. </p>
<p>“We take care of each other”, your voice almost a whisper.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He had read my file, he knew… but the question was what exactly did he know? You fidgeted with your pencil.</p>
<p>“Boo”, a voice said behind you jolting you. “Sorry to scare you girlfriend, just wanted to make sure you got the text.” Garcia said smiling.</p>
<p>“Yep, I will be there at nine”</p>
<p>“you better, we need to celebrate you SSA (y/l/n)”, she said proudly. A couple of days after the Arkansas case Hotchner had called you from his office, he had offered you the job, which you had accepted.</p>
<p>“We are celebrating?”, Morgan who sat in the desk across from yours peeked over the divider.</p>
<p>“No, nothing, no” Garcia said like a deer in the headlights, as you saw Morgan walking smoothly to stand behind her.</p>
<p>“Is there something you want to tell me darling?”, He stood behind her whispering in her ear.</p>
<p>“No”, Garcia said again swallowing hard.</p>
<p>“What are you doing?”, Emily said walking and putting her purse on her desk.</p>
<p>“Nothing ma’am”, Morgan said putting his hands up in innocence.</p>
<p>“García did you tell him?”, Emily asked looking at Penelope who just shook her head.</p>
<p>“She hasn’t, yet”, He said watching as Garcia walked in fast pace to her office. “Excuse me beautiful ladies”, Morgan said following her at a much slower pace.</p>
<p>“Twenty bucks he will be there before midnight tonight”, Prentiss laughed.</p>
<p>“I thought it was girls night”, you complained with a fake attitude, you actually liked Derek, he was fun to have around.</p>
<p>“It is, we’ll have enough time for dinner and to meet guys”, Emily said wiggling her eyebrows, at which you laughed. </p>
<p>“does he always do that?”, You asked now curious.</p>
<p>“Do what?”, Reid walked into the cluster of desks putting his satchel on his mess of a desk.</p>
<p>“Derek, hijack the girls night.”, You explained immediately including him, he had a lost expression in his eyes.</p>
<p>“Pretty much”, he gave you a small apologetical smile. “Good morning”, he said taking his chair.</p>
<p>“Good morning”, you and Emily said in unison.</p>
<p>You had noticed before how every other desk on the bullpen had a normal acceptable distance between each other, except for the for desks who belonged to the BAU. Those were really closed, leaving just enough room to walk.</p>
<p>“Girls night?” Morgan said faking hurt. Emily threw some papers in the desk in sign of defeat. “Reid my man, you know what are we doing tonight?”</p>
<p>“Leaving the ladies alone and doing laundry?”, Reid asked looking up at Derek who had his hand on his shoulder.</p>
<p>“We are painting this town red baby”, He said proud of himself.</p>
<p>“You should do Reid’s thing, he is the genius out of the two of you”, you joked.</p>
<p>“Oh, that is low Ms. (y/l/n)”, Morgan said leaning to his desk and throwing a squishy stress ball at you.</p>
<p>You caught it in the air and gave him a chuckle, “It really isn’t”, you threw it at Emily who was walking to sit in your desk now, barely moving some documents.</p>
<p>“It really really isn’t”, Emily said throwing the ball at Reid, who almost let it slip from his hands and then caught it.</p>
<p>“Hotch said not throwing the ball”, Morgan cried out.</p>
<p>In that moment everyone turned to see Hotch, sipping from his coffee and leaning on the doorframe of his office.</p>
<p>“Hotch”, Morgan said loud enough to catch his attention, although he was already looking your way. “Guy’s night?”, He asked giving his best boy smile.</p>
<p>Hotch blinked a couple of times before turning around and inside his office, he was about to close the door when his head popped up again. “Didn’t I tell you that we could have a short friday if you did your expense reports before 2?”, Hotch said furrowing his eyebrows, and with that everyone sat up straight in their seats and started working. Rossi who was overhearing the conversation started walking faster to his office and closed the door behind him, making you chuckle. </p>
<p>It had been a boring day, and that was a good thing. It was mostly Morgan trying to distract everyone. Reid actually getting distracted and giving unnecessary facts and JJ running between desks to make sure everything was in order.</p>
<p>“Don’t be late”, Emily said, she was the last one of the group to leave.</p>
<p>“I won’t”, you said smiling her direction and closing the tabs on your computer.  You were about to stand up when your phone rang.</p>
<p>“(y/l/n) here”, you said cleaning your desk.</p>
<p>“Wow, even your voice has change”, you smiled recognizing the voice.</p>
<p>“Agent Turner”</p>
<p>“How is the transfer going, you like it better than Seattle?”</p>
<p>“Well, it is very different, I do want to say thank you for signing my papers.”, you said a full smile on your face.</p>
<p>“Why of course, I know you would do a lot better out there than what is was possible to do from your desk. Seattle does miss you though, and please whenever you are in town visit your old team.” He said nostalgically.</p>
<p>You pouted, you didn’t dislike your job in Seattle, Agent Turner had been a great supervisor for the past five years.</p>
<p>“I won’t, and again thank you for allowing me to be here.”</p>
<p>“How could I not? with the extensive letter that one of your co workers sent giving reasons why they needed you over there.” He said enthusiastically, your eyebrows arched.</p>
<p>“Someone sent you a letter? Who?”, You asked looking at Hotch who was still typing in his computer.</p>
<p>“Well, I guess if they didn’t tell you… You should ask them yourself. Anyway I just wanted to say hi and check on you.</p>
<p>“Yeah… yeah thank you sir, I will see you soon”, you said and hung up.</p>
<p>You collected your belongings and walked towards the only office with the lights on.<br/>
You knocked lightly on the open door. </p>
<p>“Hi, I thought everyone was gone”, he said a warm smile on his face.</p>
<p>“Yeah I just needed to clean up a little bit”, you said absently.</p>
<p>“Next time please share your ideas with the group”, he chuckled, “Are you okay?” He asked now cautiously.<br/>
“I am, I just wanted to say thank you for sending the letter to Agent Turner”, you smiled at him.</p>
<p>“Oh… (y/n), Reid sent the letter, I thought he told you”, he said confused, you shook your head lightly. “Well if you want to thank someone it should be him, I’m very glad he did.”</p>
<p>“So am I”, you said, “Well sir have a good weekend”</p>
<p>“You too, stay safe”, He said returning his attention to his computer.</p>
<p>Reid had sent the letter… A letter, about you.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I chipped my tooth”, JJ said making emphasis on the last word.</p>
<p>“Still not worse than mine”, Emily said defiantly but playfully.</p>
<p>“I think getting dumped on the beach is worst”, You said. Everyone burst out laughing, mainly because of the stupidity of the conversation.</p>
<p>“So no one had a good prom?” Garcia said and everyone shook their head laughing again.</p>
<p>“Wait guys”, she said holding her phone that was ringing and putting it in speaker.</p>
<p>“Hey babygirl”, A familiar warm voice came through the phone.</p>
<p>“Hey you sweet thing”, Garcia smiled with a big smile on her face.</p>
<p>“Are you lonely”, He asked still in his flirty tone.</p>
<p>“Yes”, Emily yelled and laughed.</p>
<p>“Where are you guys?”, he asked.</p>
<p>Garcia looked around the table, everyone just nodded. She told him the club and address.</p>
<p>“OK, we’ll be there in like 10”, he said hanging up now.</p>
<p>We… that meant Reid was with him. You took a deep breath.</p>
<p>“I.. need a refill”, you announced before walking to the bar, leaving behind a conversation about first kisses. </p>
<p>After a while of standing there the bartender put a drink in front of you.</p>
<p>“This one is from the gentleman”, He pointed at a guy who smiled at you lifting his drink. You mimicked him and gave him a small nod.</p>
<p>He was attractive, broad shoulders, blue eyes and dark hair. If you were honest he wasn’t your type, too jockey. But it was your first weekend officially living in D.C. you knew you had to let loose, you didn’t know how loose yet. You walked back to the table, flaunting yourself a little knowing that he would be watching you.</p>
<p>“Hey”, you said smiling at the boys now sitting at the table.</p>
<p>“Damn girl, look at you”, Morgan said taking your hand and spinning you. “I’m surprised no one has stole you yet for the night.”</p>
<p>“We’ll see We’ll see” you said wiggling your eyebrows and blushing lightly. It was true, you had chosen an outfit you knew suited you. Thick leggings that ended on your hips and a sleeveless turtleneck army green shirt. It was perfect since the bar was hot, but you also had a long cardigan for the cold from outside.</p>
<p>“Hey (y/n)”, Reid said smiling your way, he was sitting down, his hair messier than this morning, but still the same striped shirt. Sans the adorable sweater, you shook your thoughts away.</p>
<p>“Dr. Reid”, You said politely before flashing him a warm smile, you noticed something in his eyes but chose to ignore it.</p>
<p>“Baby girl please”, Morgan said resuming his conversation.</p>
<p>“Take (y/n)”, García volunteered.</p>
<p>“I’m lost”, you said sipping your drink.</p>
<p>“You dance?”, Morgan asked shaking his shoulders in a rhythm.</p>
<p>“Hell yeah”, you replied accepting his hand and following to the dancefloor.</p>
<p>Morgan knew how to dance, in between songs you saw JJ talking to a guy, she was biting her lip. She walked over to the table and whispered something to Emily before grabbing her stuff.</p>
<p>You slowly moved your hips that had Morgan hands in them, he followed your lead the remainder of the song.</p>
<p>“That was fun”, you said sighing, “ but I need water”.</p>
<p>“I hear you”, he said smiling and walking back with you. “You still owe me a dance”, Morgan said to Garcia, who now had more glasses in front of her than before.</p>
<p>“Ok, ok, whatever to make you happy”, She said taking his hand.</p>
<p>“Doesn’t he get tired?”, you asked sitting down.</p>
<p>“no, and we lost one, JJ found her prince charming for the night.”</p>
<p>“Lucky her”, You said sipping from your watered down drink.</p>
<p>“Well I think, mine might be that one that is looking straight at me, so if you excuse me guys”, Emily said walking towards another table.</p>
<p>“Bold”, Reid chuckled.</p>
<p>“Confident”, you corrected him giving him a smile.</p>
<p>“You dance?”, you asked him, more out of politeness than nothing.</p>
<p>He shook his head, “but you are good at it though”, he said taking a sip from his beer.</p>
<p>“A penny for your thoughts.” you said after seeing his pensive state.</p>
<p>“Well, considering a penny is the average offered to people for their thoughts, and that I have an IQ well above average, I think you are trying to steal from me Ms. (y/l/n)”</p>
<p>You savored the way your last name felt coming from his mouth. “Modest as always Dr. Reid”, you quipped back. There it was again, a flash of something in his eyes, darkness… challenge?</p>
<p>“You want to see some magic”, He picked up a couple of the napkins from the table.</p>
<p>“Yeah” you said excitedly.</p>
<p>He showed you a couple of tricks, all of them rewarded with claps and cheers from you. There was a moment in which you saw the guy from the bar, clearly looking at you, you knew that his stance was international signal for ‘let’s do this thing and go home together’. Then you saw the man now next to you, he was really close, his arm bushing yours and he rearranged the napkins to show you his last trick again. You knew you had to make a decision, it wasn’t like you were the only girl in the bar.</p>
<p>“You are really not telling me how you did it?”, you asked putting your attention in Reid now.</p>
<p>“Confidential”, he replied again smiling your way. You stared at him for maybe longer than you needed.</p>
<p>“A penny for your thoughts?” He quoted you and you let your jaw hang.</p>
<p>“So MY thoughts are worth a penny?”, you asked, fake indignation. He nodded enthusiastically and you reached your open palm. He scoffed but got his wallet out, putting a penny in your hand. “Why did you sent the letter to Turner?” You asked directly, definitely taking him by surprise.</p>
<p>“Why did you join the BAU?”, he asked in reply looking around then looking back at you. </p>
<p>You leaned into your seat. “Profile me,  Dr. Reid, tell me why I did it.” you said, confidence coming maybe from one too many Moscow Mules.</p>
<p>Reid opened his mouth and then shut it close, he was about to open it again when you took his hand and placed the penny in his palm.</p>
<p>“What do you think?” you asked again.</p>
<p>“Your mother died when you were in your very early teens.” He said analyzing your face. You simply crossed your arms and nodded. “She was killed in action, by a serial killer. She was law enforcement, He was never caught, You went to live with your grandparents to Washington State.” He cleared his throat taking a gulp of the beer. “You studied harder than anyone in your class, always a good girl always a good student, you knew it was the  way to get into a good university.” You noticed your throat starting to dry out, you just didn’t know why. </p>
<p>“You wanted to study psychology”, he said resuming his train of thought. “You got into stanford, from there it was an easy path to federal employment. Your file said you worked in social services for a couple of months before quitting. My guess, because you never found yourself. You did not want to practice Psychology you wanted something else, you wanted to understand.” He took a pause, making sure you were ready for the words you knew were coming. “You wanted to know why that man killed your mom. The truth is that you make decisions based on your present, it wasn’t until recently that you started thinking about the future. You went to stanford because they offered you a half scholarship, you started with the FBI because an old friend of your mom offered you the position. You passed your training with flying colors. This wasn’t on your file but I know you did, yet you decided to accept the desk job because it was convenient. My guess is you never had the answer to your question. You joined the BAU in hopes of one day finding it out.” </p>
<p>When he almost whispered the last word you realized just how close to him you were, your body gravitating towards him, he was now caressing you arm with the back of his hand.</p>
<p>“Hey guys”, Morgan interrupted his breath heavy. “We are heading out! It’s 1:30 and we are exhausted”, His shirt clinging to his body said everything.</p>
<p>“Wait no, I can’t leave (y/n)”, Garcia said now realizing you were still there.</p>
<p>“Oh don’t worry, I’ll make sure she gets home safe”, Reid gave a reassuring smile to Penelope.</p>
<p>“Ok baby boy, You two be safe”, Garcia said giving both of you a hug.</p>
<p>“Yeah be safe”, Morgan said narrowing his eyes and looking suspiciously. </p>
<p>“It really is one thirty”, you said, you had sat down and started talking to Reid almost two hours ago.</p>
<p>“Want to head home?”, He asked. When you nodded your head he stood up and helped you put your cardigan. “Tie it”, he said, his voice an order. You looked down to were a strip of your skin was showing and you tied your cardigan covering up. You wondered why you had been so open to his order, but decided to not think too hard.</p>
<p>The two of you got a cab, since it was safer at that time anyway. The two of you lived relatively close. </p>
<p>“So I make decisions only thinking about the present?”, you asked now in the privacy of the cab, if that was a thing. He nodded.</p>
<p>“You chose to stay with me, although an above average guy had his eyes glued to you.”, He said. “You chose to wear those shoes because they looked good but your ankle is hurting now”, he said, he was not wrong, not at all. It actually made you wonder why.</p>
<p>The ride was too short for your own liking. “When will I get to profile you?”, you said your body turned to him.</p>
<p>“Build the case”, He replied, his voice matching your own in volume.</p>
<p>When the cab parked in front of your building Spencer told him to wait and helped you get off. Now that you were standing in front of him you saw his face, the guy looked like he needed sleep, but he stayed anyway.</p>
<p>“Good night (y/n)”, he said softly.</p>
<p>“Good night Spencer”, you said your voice a whisper. You had to still prop yourself up with your toes to give him a small kiss in the cheek, which clearly took him by surprise. To finish him off you put your own hand in his front pocket and retrieved the penny. You started walking “Spencer”, you turned before opening the door, he was still nailed in place, his face filled with confusion and something foreign. </p>
<p>“I did get the answer to my question, it just wasn’t the answer I wanted”, you said, knowing that you could not let him go home without the thought in his head.</p>
<p>“So I still not know why you joined the BAU?” He asked genuinely surprised. You shook your head letting your hair float around you and a smile plant on your face. you turned and entered the building, your mind fighting your body to just keep walking. </p>
<p>That night you laid awake wondering if you were sober would anything had happened.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“The headaches of a hangover match the headaches that the night’s choices will give you in the future.”</p><p>You heard him saying, clear as the blue sky above. Turning his face to see you with a smile. God knew how long it was since you had seen that smile.  You reciprocated the smile, letting his face get close to you, his lips warm and velvety j. Music playing in the background. you woke up with a gasp, eyes adjusting to the light slipping through the curtains. you instinctively put your hands in your face, wiping the tears away.</p><p>10:30, the bright red lights of the alarm clock announces. Moving towards the end of the bed,  letting your feet meet the ground slowly. To your surprise you did not feel dizzy, or with too bad of a headache, nothing that a coffee cannot fix. Walking to the still packed kitchen and brewing some fresh coffee.  You noticed your phone in the counter. </p><p>Garcia- Anyone feels like they are dying?</p><p>You- I feel fine, I will feel like I am dying as soon as I start to unpack</p><p>EMily- Wait, you haven’t unpacked yet?</p><p>You- No, I told you girls yesterday.</p><p>GArcia- No you didn’t </p><p>You- Yes I did, anyway I hope your headaches are karma for making me go out</p><p>JJ- you did not seem really pressured trying to impress that guy at the bar while dancing with Morgan</p><p>You- Whatever ;p, ttyl crazy ladies.</p><p>The amount of boxes around was overwhelming, you walked to the bathroom putting the news on. The weatherman forecasting a beautiful warm spring weekend for the D.C. area. A soft knock coming from the door. you walked over opening immediately, deciding to take your chances with a serial killer, at least I wouldn’t have to unpack.</p><p>“Surprise!”, Emily shouted showing you the two bottles of orange juice in her hands. </p><p>“Shushhhhhh”, Garcia said, dark circles around her eyes.</p><p>“Oh my God!, come in, what are you doing here?” you said smiling at the three ladies entering the apartment.</p><p>“Well, we felt bad for making you do this much work on a saturday, so we decided to come help you.”, JJ said offering you a potted plant, Basil you read the tag.</p><p>“Ow, girls you are really sweet, really”, You said pouting, “You did not have to…”</p><p>“I told them, but they said it had been my idea”, Garcia cried handing you a pie.</p><p>“It was”, JJ reminded her.</p><p>“Well, since you are here I at least should let you do what you came here to do”, You said putting your presents in the counter. Searching the boxes you found the small yellow bottle. </p><p>“Extra strength paracetamol”, you said to Garcia handing her the bottle. “Take one, you will be good as new.”</p><p>“Oh sweet baby Jesus thank you”, She said grabbing the bottle.</p><p>“So! where do we start?”, Emily asked looking around, her smile falling as she saw the mess of the apartment.</p><p>It had been, actually you didn’’t know how long, the entire ABBA discography. When the last box was being unpacked. </p><p>“Any order?” JJ asked taking the mugs out.</p><p>“Yes please”, you and Emily were deconstructing boxes in the floor and Garcia was arranging plants by the window.</p><p>“I didn’t know you liked plants that much”, Garcia said.</p><p>“Yeah they make me happy”, you smiled sliding the boxcutter across the last box.</p><p>“Is that it?” Emily asked when JJ took a sit on the couch.</p><p>“Yep, seriously thank you girls. You are all the best.”</p><p>“Hey that is what family is for”, Garcia smiled sweetly sitting next to JJ.</p><p>“You sure?”, Emily asked suspicious, you knew that tone.</p><p>“Emily”, JJ reprimanded her.</p><p>“Oh, you are profiling me”, you wiggled your eyebrows making Emily blush lightly. “I don’t have a box of pictures, I don’t like pictures. Don’t have any memories worth remembering I guess.”</p><p>“Well, we have to change that”, Garcia said sipping from her orange juice. </p><p>“So, JJ, how was last night”, Emily asked giving her a conspiratory look.<br/>
“A lady doesn’t tell”, she raised her right hand to her heart. “He was good, nice guy”.</p><p>“Sure nice guy”, Emily laughed. “What about you (y/n)? What about eyeing much from the bar?”</p><p>“Oh he didn’t I didn’t”, you started, “God is this what profilers friends do?”, everyone nodded laughing.</p><p>“I didn’t take a genius to know he was interested”, Garcia said, “Although you did go home with a genius”, she said like her mind just barely remembered. “DId you and Spencer stay till late?”, she asked innocently, like she hadn’t made your heart stop.</p><p>“Spencer?”, JJ asked confused.</p><p>“No, nothing happen, Reid and I- We shared a cab, we left a little bit after you guys did”, you said,  mind spinning. You thought of how stupid it was to be blushing, nothing had happened.</p><p>“It’s not that, it’s just that Spencer was supposed to meet with a friend yesterday, he said her shift ended after midnight and that is why he had accept it Morgan’s outing”, JJ explained herself.</p><p>“We know Reid is a gentleman”, Emily said smiling, “But he was not the only one, guys this guy from yesterday-” Emily started her story.</p><p>Spencer had a date? Your mind wandered to the night before, his cologne, how he was checking his watch, and how at one point he excused himself to send a text.  He had a date which he didn’t go to, or he did. He could’ve gone after dropping you off, and it didn’t matter, because you did not feel anything for the doctor. The shy, magician, genius, dorky doctor whose smile could ignite an town… you shook the thoughts completely. </p><p>The girls left after eating the chinese takeout we had agreed upon. It was only you in your new apartment, so you did the only sensible thing. You walked into the spare room turned media room and put the office. Letting sleep cradle you. Letting myself think about Reid’s cologne from last night.</p><p>Sundays were beautiful in D.C. that is what you thought when a loud honking had woken you up about three hours ago. But now you were awake and you needed to go get some supplies. You decided after opening the windows, that You needed to take advantage of this weather. You took a short fit and flare dress with sunflowers stamped on it. the dress had been locked all the time you had lived in seattle. you smiled at your reflection, spinning a little letting the fabric jump around you. The phone started ringing and you picked it up right away. </p><p>“(y/n)?”, a voice came from the other side. </p><p>“Hi Spencer what’s up?”, you asked, trying to lock the butterflies that were taking over your stomach.</p><p>“not much, I was bored and wondering… are you busy?”, he asked shyly.</p><p>“Well, I was about to go get some fertilizer and some supplies to the garden center.”</p><p>“Oh”, he simply replied. </p><p>“You want to tag along?”, you asked plopping down on your bed.</p><p>“Sure, I will be at your place in 10”, he said after a second of consideration.</p><p>‘Spencer Reid, what a mystery you are’. you thought closing your eyes for a second. </p><p>When the knock came from the door you hesitated, nervously checking yourself in the mirror, pathetic you thought.</p><p>“Hey!”, you flashed a smile to the guy on the other side of the door.</p><p>“Hey…” he said giving you a small smile before his eyes fell on your dress. “Ready?”, he asked, you noticed how his eyes were definitely not on your face.</p><p>“Yep”, you said turning around to grab a jean jacket from the rack and taking a gulp of air. </p><p>The garden center was full of people at this time, of course it beng spring did not help, you slightly leaned to check over the foliage of some small ferns.</p><p>“Those get  really big really quick”, you heard an unfamiliar voice next to you, you noticed the guy wearing an apron from the nursery.  </p><p>“Yeah I love their foliage, ferns are some of my favorite plants”, you said giving him a polite smile. Your eyes looked around and found Reid still talking to another attendant about the myths of composting.</p><p>“Well if you like boston’s you probably like cinnamons?” He asked curiously.</p><p>“Yeah” you replied excitedly.</p><p>“Ok you stay here, I will be right back”, he said winking your way and walking through the aisles. “Here”, he said coming back with a small pot. “On the house”</p><p>“Oh no, you really don’t have to do that”, you said timidly.</p><p>“C’mon, it’s not a big deal, I happen to know the owner, he won’t mind:, he said taking a bag out of his apron and placing the pot inside, handing it to you.</p><p>“Are you the owner?”, you asked with a chuckle.</p><p>“Yeah you caught me”, he said laughing.</p><p>“Well, thank you, really, I’ll take care of it”, you said taking the bag and flashing him a smile.</p><p>“I know…” He said his eyes wondering to your side now, you followed his gaze.</p><p>“Hey”, Spencer announced himself getting a little closer to you that what you knew was normal to stand next to someone.</p><p>“Hello”, the guy said, extending his hand towards you “My name is George, if you need anything.”</p><p>“Thank you”, you said shaking his hand and watching him go.</p><p>“Got the fertilizer?”, Spencer asked more serious now than he had been all morning, you shook your head, wanting to tell him how he just ruined a potential meet cute. You knew it probably wasn’t appropriate, for whatever reason. </p><p>“No, let’s go get it”, you said softly.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He was walking next you you carrying one of the canvas bags. His body tense next you yours, he had not said one word to you since you got out of the nursery. There was a voice in your head, the logic voice that said he had no right to be mad. Then there was a little goblin raising fire in your chest, that was telling you to apologize, or do something to make him happy.</p><p>“So, if you have nothing to do for the afternoon”, you said catching his attention “What do you say pizza wine and movies? my place?”, Yeah the goblin had spoken.</p><p>“Sure”, he said, his shoulders relaxing a little. He guided the way towards one of the pizza places.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Come in”, you said unlocking the door and walking towards the table to place the boxes. “You can put that in the corner.</p><p>Spencer walked towards where you signaled and placed the bag on the floor. “The place looks nice”, He said looking around,</p><p>“Thanks, and the best part”, you walked towards one of the closed doors, making spencer stiff a little, you opened it to show the media room. A projector covering the whole wall and a very comfy sectional couch. “Movie theater at home”, you said walking to the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of wine and two glasses.</p><p>“Nice”, he said grabbing the pizzas and walking in, taking his shoes off when he stepped into the carpeted area, his eyes traveled around the walls. “You like star wars?” He asked looking at the postes.</p><p>“Of course! I have taste”, you said plopping into the couch fixing your dress</p><p>“Episode one?”, he asked  and you chuckled at his excitement. You nodded your head biting your lip as you sat on the couch</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>You did not know how you had ended up like this, but you had your head on Reid’s shoulder, who had his arm around you. The movie ended and now there was a ten second count down to the next one. He pressed pause, shifting a little making your head fall, you had dozed off somewhere in the last part of the movie. You tried to move but spencer’s arm made you get closer to him your body now laid almost on top of his. your head resting in his chest.</p><p>“Spencer…”, you tried to tell him that he could leave if he wanted to.</p><p>“What do you do the things you do?”, he asked, making you open your eyes in utterly confused. He examined your face “You could have any guy, any, and you are here, right now, by your own decisions”. You opened your mouth to say something but you knew he was right. “You had the chance to run away from this, yet you haven’t.”, he said, his voice getting softer but deeper. </p><p>“What if I don’t want to?”, you asked defiantly. </p><p>“hm”, he sighed thinking for a second ”if you don’t want to then you are about to get yourself in a lot of trouble”, he said drawing your faces together.</p><p>“I happen to like trouble”, you said closing the distance and crashing your mouths. His mouth was soft, first asking for permission, and then violent, like if he was trying to suck the venom out of a wound, you groaned in his lips. Thinking that that was a perfect metaphor. When his tongue started exploring you let out a small moan and tried to get on top of him, he stopped you, making you resume your original position. </p><p>“no”, he panted with his hand keeping you in place. You thought about apologizing this wasn’t right, he was your co-worker.</p><p>“Not yet”, he continued, his hand slipping down your torso, shifting to the side and into your bare legs. “Soon”, he said, like if he was promising something, his hand meeting with the hem of your biker shorts underneath the dress.</p><p>“Spencer-’ you whispered when his mouth started kissing your exposed neck, you arched you back. </p><p>“not yet, soon,” he repeated himself. “I want you to be ready” he opened his eyes and saw you open your mouth so he continued “When I make you mine, you will be mine, completely, every inch of you and every fiber of your being will be mine, you will plead me for more and I am going to give it to you, because I’ll be yours, completely. I will give you everything you want,. You will give me everything you can.” He said, each word coming so confidently you weren’t sure this was the real Spencer. Each word sending electrical signals to every atom of your body. </p><p>“I-”, there were no words, the thought stranded now in a rewired mind.</p><p>“soon sweetheart, soon”, he said again promising. His hand traveled to your hips and slipped into the biker shorts and into your panties. A moan escaped from you and he kissed you again, softly.  you replied the kiss trying to get any more contact from him. He slipped the hand back out. </p><p>“Tease”, you whispered the only thing you could think of right now.</p><p>“I might be, or I might be telling you the truth. Now you behave while I watch the next movie, I know you are tired just go to sleep.” He said throwing the blanket that had fallen off of you back into your body.</p><p>There it was again, logic telling you to say something about him not owning you, he couldn’t boss you around. Then the goblin that was definitely jumping in your heart right now, all that she wanted to do was follow his orders. So you did, you closed your eyes feeling as Spencer pulled you closer for a hug, kissing your head. As you started to feel lighter two thoughts popped in your head. One, you did not actually know Spencer Reid, not like you thought you did. Two, when it came to Spencer, whatever you were feeling transcended logic, and reason. A force pulling you in, a force you did not want to fight, neither could you.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Five years, you had have the same dream for five years. The warm sand in your feet and the breeze blowing you hair. Hands around your hips as you were spinning to the soft music.<br/>“Sweetheart”, you heard him say as you clung closer to him, his arms now around you moving softly. You took a step back, to see his face, to kiss him again,.<br/>“Spencer”, you said when you saw his hazel eyes….</p><p>You bolted upright, your heart beating quickly. </p><p>“(y/n?)”, Spencer turned to face you. His hand instinctively trying to grab you, you jerked your arm away. “Hey are you okay?”, he asked concerned.</p><p>“yeah I’m sorry I forgot you were here”, you said looking around, you were still wearing your dress and he was getting up from the couch. He nodded pursing his lips, as in trying to understand something. </p><p>“Hotch just sent a message, we have a case. We are wheels up as soon as everyone gets there”, He said walking towards the door. “I’ll see you at the station”.</p><p>“At the station? Reid you don’t have to…”</p><p>“I know, I’ll see you there”, he said giving you a smile and walking out.</p><p>A case? a case, your body went full work mode jumping in the shower, letting the hot steam prepare you for whatever was happening, you grabbed your go bag and made sure everything was in it. You wondered if Spencer was already on his way, he really didn’t have to go to his house and then back to your station, in the end he had one right next to him. You breathed heavily, he was in your dreams, he was in your dreams instead of… No time, you needed to get to work. </p><p>You knew that would be a problem living amongst profilers, but then again it didn’t take a profiler to know Spencer had walked in to the jet with two go bags, placing them in the compartments, you sat in the large table with the rest of the team. </p><p>“Good morning, sorry for the delay”, Spencer said sitting down, you looked around, everyone was already there.</p><p>“No problem, everyone just got here anyway, we needed to leave as soon as possible.”, Hotch said handing out a file for each of you,</p><p>You opened it to see pictures of what appeared to be naked men dead on beds.</p><p>“Worcester, Massachusetts. In the span of one week the police has found four different bodies. All of them the same, found in hotel rooms with their hands tied with the ties the men were last seen wearing.”, JJ started explaining.</p><p>“Any signs of sexual abuse?”, Morgan asked shifting on his seat.<br/>“It didn’t seem to be forced, there are not signs of struggle. There are no signs of penetration either.”, She said, if she was uncomfortable  she did not show any signs of it, she remained professional. </p><p>“So we are thinking a woman?”, Emily asked.</p><p>“Most cases of strangulation are done by women, Although when it comes to sexual strangulation the numbers decline it still is the number one reason for sexual accidents. Strangulation is a very personal way to murder, most likely powered by revenge or seek of control”</p><p>“What are the chances that they are all freaks, maybe they just took things a little too far with their sexual partners”, you asked reading the file.</p><p>“Very unlikely, specially when they are all members of the same community”, Rossi said.</p><p>“And when their wives blame their mistresses.”, JJ added.</p><p>“They were married? all of them? And all of them had mistresses?” emily asked with a grimace.</p><p>“They all had wives and kids. When the wives were interviewed they said that the marriage was weak due to an affair”, Hotch clarified.</p><p>“Maybe the same mistress”, Morgan asked</p><p>“The women came forward to testify as soon as they were asked to”, JJ said. </p><p>“We are most likely looking for someone close to him, I doubt that  it was their wives or mistresses.”  , Spencer said.</p><p>“How you figured?”, you asked him resting your chin on your hand.</p><p>“Well, the act of choking during sex is seen as a drive to the danger, it is very unlikely that this men would go back to the mistress if the affair had been public.”, he explained.  “Maybe a co-worker or a close family friend.” </p><p>“Co-worker?”, morgan asked his eyebrows shooting up. “We are most definitely not sharing a room with you anymore.”</p><p>“Well, choking requires a certain level of connection, you need to make sure that the person who you are being submitted to is somebody you can trust, you most likely will trust somebody who you will see the next day for sure right?”, he asked, looking at everyone who just had conflicted faces.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as you landed Hotch started assigning task, you and Emily took over the interviewing of the wives. That went as well as it could with a bunch of recent widows.</p><p>“How did it go?”, Morgan, who had been interviewing the mistresses, asked.</p><p>“Not very fun, nothing interesting.”</p><p>“Besides the fact that they all looked like (y/n)?”, Emily asked trying to suppress a laugh.</p><p>“Just a little, same build. hair color, and height.”, you said elaborating a little.</p><p>“Wait, I actually mentioned that to Rossi about the mistresses”, Morgan said standing up and showing everyone the pictures. </p><p>“I don’t see it”, Reid said looking over the pictures, he had been looking at crime scenes with Hotch.</p><p>“You don’t see it?”, Prentiss laughed.</p><p>“Well, they have similarities, that tells us one thing”, He said putting down the pictures he had collected through the day.</p><p>“They all had a type, we might be looking for someone who fits this description”, Rossi said. </p><p> </p><p>Working with mightier than thou suburbs people was not fun, you decided when you got back to your room changing into your pajamas. Every single person had the same attitude, they did not accept that what was happening was happening in their own community. They weren’t being helpful pointing fingers since everyone was a respected member of society, which translated to no leads.</p><p>You groaned when someone knocked into your door. All you wanted was to think about something else, you wanted to come back the next day with a clear mind.</p><p>“Spencer”, you whispered seeing the man on the other side of the door, his hair still wet from his shower.</p><p>“I thought I could come here to read”, he said flashing his book.</p><p>“Sure, come in”, you moved to the side just enough for him to come in and close the door. You stared at him as he stood right in front of you.</p><p>“You don’t see it?”, the question came out of your lips as it had been locked in your chest.</p><p>“What?”, he asked slightly confused.</p><p>“Those women they kinda look like me… and you don’t see it?”</p><p>“I might’ve had trouble being objective is just that… I did not see it.”</p><p>“You sir, need a new prescription for those glasses”, you said pushing his glasses to his eyes again, as they had fallen into the bridge of his nose from staring down at you. Damn those glasses, could he be any more cute?</p><p>“Perhaps”, he whispered. There was the goblin inside you again, raising fires. making you run your hands from his chest to his shoulders, feeling the warm body underneath, “We are not doing this during a case”, he stepped closer placing his hands on your lower back and pulling you closer.</p><p>“You came into my room”, you said making emphasis in every word.</p><p>“To read”, he said with a small giggle.</p><p>“Ok, let’s read”, you took the book that was sitting on the nightstand and you got into bed. He imitated your actions without hesitation.</p><p>“What are you reading”, he asked curious.</p><p>“A tale of two cities”, you showed him the cover.</p><p>“Hm, I never really understood the book.” He said, confessing</p><p>“Wow I cannot believe I am smarter than you.</p><p>“That’s not-”</p><p>“Let me have this moment”, you pouted.</p><p>“Ok, sure yeah.”, he said gesturing with his hands.</p><p>“I am on the last chapter anyway.”, you said opening the book, he stared at you for a little bit.</p><p>“Come here”, he said spreading his legs on the bed a little. You stayed in place confused before you knew what he wanted. Crawling towards him you sat in front of him, your back to his chest. He took the book from your hands before he got comfortable against the headboard and pulled the blanket on top of the two of you. “I’m going to read to you”, he explained, as if it was necessary.</p><p>“Do you also read 20,000 words per second out loud?” you asked, your voice low like if you were sharing a secret. </p><p>“Per minute”, he corrected, probably knowing you did that to rile him up. “You can tell me if you want me to slow down”</p><p>A thought popped into your head ‘Reid, you could come to me at 20,000 miles per hour in a freight train and I would not stop you’ the words almost came out of you mouth but you bit your lip.</p><p>“Along the Paris streets, the death-carts rumble, hollow and harsh.”, he started, you listened to the perfect pronunciation of each word, he was probably doing it consciously. Each word soothing you. At one point he placed his arm around you and you laid your head there. If anyone would see the scene you would look like a normal couple who is probably  traveling. You stayed completely silent and still, as if moving had been prohibited. “It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.”, he finished.</p><p>You tried to contain the tears threatening to build up, that book always made you cry. “Sad”, you simply said.</p><p>“not really”, he said still not moving now rubbing the skin of your shoulder with his thumb. “He made a sacrifice, that last page is for the reader to be reassured that his plan went right”, Reid said whispering in your ear.</p><p>“That is still sad”, you pointed out as he started kissing the side of your head, placing delicate kisses in your cheek. “The book is over”, you said, he stopped his lips on your face. “You came here to read”, you reminded him. </p><p>“I know, that may had been an excuse”, he resumed his previous action. </p><p>“It worked”, you said turning your face to see him, He placed his hands on your cheeks. </p><p>“about 67 days, eleven hours and thirteen minutes ago, a girl walked in to my place of work. She was beautiful, funny and friendly. I knew I was going to fuck it up”, He said biting his lip, you reached to move a strand of hair that fell into his face. “She was so different, yet so captivatingly normal”, he said.</p><p>“You haven’t fucked it up”, you said</p><p>“I’m about to”, he said now uniting your lips to him. This one was different than the last one, for starters both of you were one hundred percent aware of what was happening. This time he didn’t seem desperate, he was sweet, slow, sloppy. Every time you tried to do something more than what he was doing he separated a little bit just to come back with the same rhythm as before.</p><p>“What are you doing to me?”, you whispered. You found yourself doing that a lot around Spencer, as if every conversation was a secret that nobody should know about. He placed on more small kiss in the tip of your nose.</p><p>“I have the same question”, He said, getting back into the original position and opening the book he brought with him.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Are you sure?”, you asked, your focus on the road ahead. You nodded to Emily who was driving when the answer came. “Ok, we will be there in a couple of minutes”, you said eyeing the clock”, “Morgan”, you added “Stay safe.”</p><p>“So her husband cheats and then kills himself and she becomes unable to get revenge”, Emily asks.</p><p>“Yeah she probably tried to compartmentalize until she had the urge.”, You said taping your fingers in your leg. </p><p>“The team isn’t here yet”, Emily sprinted out of the car, putting on her vest. You followed suit,</p><p>“Back door”, you announced, crouching behind the flower beds, avoiding the window.</p><p>Emily moved the door knob, sighing in relief when the door opened.</p><p>“I’m in control here baby, I will kill you”, you heard a feminine voice coming from what you assumed was the living room.</p><p>Emily peeked inside signaling you to go to the other side of the frame. You saw Morgan knelt on the floor with his hands on behind his legs. Emily got your attention back, putting her fingers up one, two, three…</p><p>“You are so not in control”, Emily made your presence known when you were both in position.</p><p>“Lower your weapon”, You demanded.</p><p>“Let me just take care of pretty boy here”, she said not moving an inch.</p><p>“You are surrounded, there is no escape, lower your weapon”, Emily said threatening. </p><p>“Lisa…”, you noticed a flinch when her real name was mentioned. “He is not Edward…”, you cautioned.</p><p>“How the fuck would you know?”, she exclaimed angry turning around, giving just enough time for Morgan to tackle her to the ground.</p><p>“Got her”, He announced taking the handcuffs that Emily was handing him.</p><p>“God, I hate the suburbs”, you sighed putting your weapon back on your waist and running your fingers through your hair.</p><p>“Clear”, Hotch announced, the rest of the team coming behind him. “Is everyone okay?”, he asked looking around.</p><p>“Yeah”, Morgan said helping a uniform officer take Lisa, who looked to be in shock.</p><p>“Good job”, Hotch nodded his head, going outside now.</p><p> </p><p>“Is it weird that I want to say home sweet home every time I enter the Jet?”, JJ asked, sitting where the rest of the team was.</p><p>“For today I will say no”, Morgan said, a little bit of frustration in his voice.</p><p>“Let me tell you Morgan”, you said catching his eyes while you were making your way to the back. “It’s good to know I could best you, you know at the end she had my same built.” You chuckled when his jaw dropped.</p><p>“You cannot handle me (y/l/n)”, he warned playfully.</p><p>A yawn escaped your mouth, the adrenaline wearing off, you eyed the seat in front of Hotch, thinking that looked like the most comfortable place on this planet right now. A single wide seat on a plane, JJ was right home sweet home.  Reid who was sitting on the aisle sit in front of JJ, stood up when you walked by. He shrugged his black sweater handing it to you. It wasn’t till you had accept it and took to more steps that you realized what had happened. You looked behind, where he was helping JJ fill the paperwork. She looked at him in utter confusion but he seemed to not pay attention. With his sweater in hand you sat down. You sank in the leather, crossing your arms that were covered by the soft fabric. He had given to you in a way that made it seem like you two had been doing this a lifetime, and you had accepted it without even questioning. You were too busy in your shock when you noticed Hotchner. His eyes narrowed eyeing the fabric between your arms.</p><p>Fuck. You opened your mouth to say something before he looked away. You took that as ‘We’ll talk later’. You decided to look through the window the whole plane right. Only moving when Rossi decided to challenge Hotch to a game of poker. </p><p> </p><p>“I will be seeing everyone tomorrow”, Hotch said, the team gathering their belongings to head home. You saw Reid walking towards you. “(y/n), can you meet me in my office please?”, Hotch came back out. </p><p>Reid nodded his head, “Good night”, he said walking back  the way he came from.</p><p> </p><p>Ok I’m getting fired, you thought, no, if you were getting fired he would have calle Reid in as well as you. Unless, he cannot afford to lose Reid, he was important. Or maybe he knew absolutely nothing. There wasn’t anything to know. Your head was spinning so much in all these thoughts that you actually thought you were going to throw up as soon as you walked in the office.  </p><p>“I wanted to talk to you, please sit down”, he said signaling the chair. OK if you died right now this conversation could be avoided. Why did you feel like you were just caught doing something bad by one of your parents.</p><p>“Yes sir”, you said sitting down.</p><p>“I wanted to ask you how are you feeling, how is the team treating you?”, you exhaled, not even realizing you had held your breath.</p><p>“Everyone is amazing sir”, you said with a small smile. </p><p>“Yeah? Even Spencer?”, he asked looking at you in the eyes. The smile fell from your face. </p><p>“Yes”, you said, feeling your dry mouth. He chuckled. What?</p><p>“I’m not trying to make you nervous, I just wanted to make sure that you knew”, he said giving you a warm smile. Now you understood Emily that time she called him dad and everyone laughed.</p><p>“That I knew what?”, you asked fidgeting with your fingers in your lap.</p><p>“I’ve known Spencer for a long time, I’ve seen some of his worst and best moments. He does not do what he has been doing lately. He seems happier, more confident. I am extremely glad to see him like that.”</p><p>“That’s good for him”, you said. He wasn’t accusing you of anything. Interview training 101, never give them anything that they didn’t put out there before. </p><p>“Yeah”, he looked at you knowingly. Obviously calling your bluff he said, “That is how man act when they have a crush”, he had a playful smile.</p><p>“Well…”, you said short of words.</p><p>“I don’t like meddling in the lives of my detectives, but I know Spencer. I want to make sure that my team is safe at all times”, he said reclining a little on his chair. “You guys are my family.”, he said now, a small break on his voice at the end.</p><p>“Why are you telling me this?”, you had to ask.</p><p>“I want you to know I’m on your side”, he simply said. A smile creeping in your face, this felt a lot like getting a blessing. “I also want you to be safe, and do everything by the book, when the time comes”, he changed his tone to a professional one now. </p><p>“Yes sir”, you said smiling and standing up. “I still not know what you are talking about”, you turned now, a smile on your face as you heard him laugh lightly .</p><p>The smile stayed in your face the whole way home. This effect that Spencer had, it had been a long time since you felt it. You got to your apartment and started doing some general maintenance. The doctor had a crush on you, you weren’t imagining things. The little goblin in your chest had a great idea on what to do with this information.</p><p>“(y/n)?”, Spencer said puzzled.</p><p>“I don’t want to wait”, you said, smile still in your face.</p><p>“Wait on what exactly?”, he said, crossing his arms with the book he was probably reading on his hand. He still moved to the side for you to step in.</p><p>“Wait on us, I do not want to waste time”, you said closing the door. “I’ve done that before, and regretted it. I want every second I can get.” </p><p>“If-”, he started. You did not let him finish that thought, you dropped your thick coat revealing a baby blue lace bodysuit. He dropped the book in his hands to bring them to the back of your neck. Crashing your lips together. His lips hungry, desperate.</p><p>He ran his hands on your sides, pulling you up when he got to your tights, you wrapped his legs around his waist. “You left home with nothing but a lace bodysuit? that is extremely dangerous, and stupid”, he said, moaning lightly while you planted kisses on his neck.</p><p>“Yeah”, you said, nothing to explain. He walked with you around him towards what you assumed was his bedroom. You wanted to make a comment about how he had more body strength than he appeared to have, but he threw you in the bed before you could think of anything. </p><p>“Dangerous, and stupid”, he repeated, bringing his thumb to your lips. You wrapped your lips around him sucking in your cheeks, watching his open mouth open to his heavy breathing. He pulled his thumb and ran it in your body till he got to your belly button. Where he in a moment of pure lust ripped your bodysuit in the middle.</p><p>“Hey”, you complained, letting a chuckle out.</p><p>“I’m trying to protect you”, he pulled the fabric, causing friction in your pelvis. Ripping the piece of fabric in half leaving you lower half exposed. “You shouldn’t be using that garment”</p><p>He slipped his shirt of coming back down again to the bed. Kissing your neck and slipping his hands under you to unhook the bra.</p><p>“You think someone might try to rip it a-”, your words were cut short when his lips met your breast, sloppy kisses and sucks placed randomly. You felt one of his hands going down, slipping his own pajama bottoms, letting his member out. Your mind thought for a moment how his moves, although random, seemed to be following a pattern, not unlike when he draws on maps. </p><p>Your hands trailed his, trying to wrap your hands around him. He took both of your hands and pinned them on top of your head.</p><p>“I wanted to plan a much longer first encounter, but you just couldn’t wait”, He said kissing your lips again.</p><p>“Well, you don’t seem mad at that right now either”, you joked, a bad idea apparently as you felt two of his fingers enter you. You let out a loud moan. He curled his finger inside you, making your body arch.</p><p>“Oh what I wish I could do to you”, he said picking up the pace. “But you decided to surprise me”.</p><p>You noticed how he tightened his grip on your wrist. Taking his own hand to his member and lining it with your entrance. </p><p>“Spencer”, you pleaded.</p><p>“Doctor”, he corrected you thrusting inside. You arched your body, trying to find some friction.</p><p>“Doctor”, you said, he responded by starting a slow pace. “Please”, you said in a moan.</p><p>“Please what?”, he asked </p><p>“Please Doctor, fuck me”, you said, his whole body language shifting. He pinned your hands to the mattress harder, with his other hand he brought your right leg to his waist. His rhythm getting faster with every moan that came out of your mouth. When he bottomed out he finally let go of your hands. You instantly placed them on his back, getting him closer to you. Your nails digging on his skin. </p><p>“Yes”, you moaned even louder now biting on his shoulder. </p><p>“I want to hear you”, he said guiding your face away with his hand.</p><p>“Spencer”, you cried.</p><p>“Yes, come with me”, he groaned, making the pace faster.</p><p>“Spencer!”, you exclaimed, feeling your belly knotting.</p><p>“Come for me”, he said now, as if following an order your body released under him, your feet locking on his back. </p><p>“yes”, he fell on top of you when he own release came. </p><p>“Oh God”, you said now softly, your body barely stopped shaking. </p><p>“hmmm”, he hummed burrowing his face on the nook of your neck. He came out of you, the fluids of both bodies making a sound you probably wouldn’t foger. You closed your eyes when you saw him walking towards what you assumed was the bathroom. You only got a glimpse of his scratched back before your head burrowed in a sea of pillows.</p><p>“Here”, he said, warning before you felt a wet cloth in your inner thighs. You jerked slightly when the warm cloth made contact with your raw skin. “You okay?”, he said when he had finished, putting the cloth aside.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m great”, you mumbled.</p><p>“Come here”, he said laying next to you and pulling you closer.</p><p>“you smell nice”, you hummed into his chest. He put his hand on your cheek softly.</p><p>“How are your wrists?”, he asked looking you in the eyes.</p><p>“I’m fine”, you smiled, you brought a hand to his hair, tucking a strand behind his ear. He examined your wrist in that moment, a light purple around the area where his thumb was. “I’m fine”, you reassured him.</p><p>“Good”, he kissed the top of your head, letting a comfortable silence fall between both of you.</p><p>“What did Hotchner want?”, he asked after a while.</p><p>“Oh yeah, pillowtalk”, you joked, your eyelids heavy. “Nothing, just wanted to know how everyone was treating me”, it technically wasn’t a lie.</p><p>“ok”, he said drawing a pattern you couldn’t recognize in your back with his fingers, you fell asleep with your head on his chest feeling his soft breathing.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As always, feedback is appreciated. This work has not been Betta'd, I probably will go back and fix any mistakes when the work is over.</p><p>Also guys I need your help. I have a very good idea on the direction of this fic, but I also want to know what you guys would like to read. Feel free to leave any requests.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You were extremely busy, right now you were trying to stretch your leg enough to kick morgan on the knee, he deserved it after signing you up for a seminar you did not want to go to.</p><p>“Hey”, He said shifting again, obviously playfully since he could easily get away. “She is kicking me”, he told Reid who was busy typing away.</p><p>“Kick his ass”, he mumbled under his breath, you took it as permission to sink even further in your seat to reach him. JJ gave a hearty laugh while looking at whatever Reid was doing.</p><p>Rossi approached the desks quickly, snapping his fingers and pointing at you.</p><p>“Sorry sir”, you said quickly sitting straight, as Morgan chuckled. Rossi pointed the finger at him making him stop.  You bit your lips retaining a laugh.</p><p>“Aaron is on his way up, he has Jack with him. He has a slight fever and he cannot go to daycare. Now everyone is going to behave ok?”, he said, to which the three of you nodded.</p><p>“Hottie in the lobby!” Emily came out of the left elevator, hurriedly as she had been climbing stairs. “He asked where the BAU was, there was a hottie in the lobby”, she said again. “What? there was a hotti-”</p><p>“Emily!”, JJ said serious, her eyes shifted to the elevator on the right. Hotchner with his kids in his arms.</p><p>“Good morning boss”, she said in a professional tone and walked into the bullpen.</p><p>“Good morning everyone I believe everyone except (y/n) has met jack, he will be joining us today. The doctor promised that whatever he had wasn’t contagious”, Hotchner put the kid on the floor. “You want to go say hi?”, he asked giving jack a smile.</p><p>“Uncle Spencer!”, the kid exclaimed when he saw the tall man standing up, Spencer immediately bent to pick him up. You swore your heart had stopped working. </p><p>“Hi buddy”, he said hugging the kid who was clinging to his neck.</p><p>“Hey champ”, Morgan said walking towards him.</p><p>“Hello”, he said high fiving him.</p><p>“How is the cutest boy?”, JJ said extending her arms, Jack gladly accept it the offer. She put him down after a hug.</p><p>“Hi”, Emily said giving him a cute smile, he gave her a high five as well as a hug.</p><p>“Hey Jack”, Reid said walking towards the kid, “This is (y/n), she works here now with us and with your dad”</p><p>“Hello”, the kid said shyly hiding behind Spencer’s legs.</p><p>“Hi sweetheart”, you said, although your body was a little bit tense you flashed him a friendly smile. </p><p>“Ok, Jack what do you say we put your stuff in my office and then go say hi to Garcia?”, Hotch asked extending his arm, the kid seemed to bounce on his feet before waddling towards his dad.</p><p>“(y/n) that’s him, the hottie”, Emily said now in a much lower voice. Moving your chair so that you could face the elevator. A man came out, he was attractive indeed, but you noticed the man who was standing a couple of feet next to you tensing.</p><p>“Good morning”, the guy say with a thick southern accent.</p><p>“Will”, JJ said with a big smile on her face, before she caught herself, “Agent Lamontagne”, she corrected, earning surprised looks from the team. “I have what you are looking for in my office”, she said going back to her work voice and walking towards her office.</p><p>“Did I just-” Emily started.</p><p>“Yeah you definitely did”, you turned in your chair laughing.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, are you sure we didn’t fill that one?”, you asked on the phone “I remember sending it to Emily’s for backup and then through the system”</p><p>“Sorry Angel, I don’t have it on the system”, Garcia said, keyboard sounds behind her. </p><p>“I could’ve sworn”, you sighed “Okay I will do it again.”</p><p>“Thanks, the judge needs it for trial”, Garcia explained.</p><p>“Is that Garcia? tell her I love her”, Morgan said throwing the rubber ball to you.</p><p>“Derek just threw a ball to me”, you said.</p><p>“Tell him I love him too”, she said giggling.</p><p>“Ew”, you said, your eyes wandering to the two empty desks.</p><p>You started taking the files from your cabinet again when you saw a small hand trying to reach for the ball.</p><p>“Hey buddy”, you said, taking the ball from your desk and handing it to him. He looked shyly before accepting it. </p><p>You sat up on your seat to see Hotch’s office, he was clearly busy on the phone.</p><p>“How are you”, you asked, the kid looking a little bored. “You know how to play tic tac toe?”, you asked after a second of thinking. The kid smiled and nodded his head enthusiastically. </p><p>“C’mere”, you said sitting him on your lap, you took a dry erase marker and drew the squares on the dividing glass, you knocked it to get Morgan’s attention. </p><p>“Oh you are on”, he said taking his own marker after noticing the kid in your lap.</p><p>“He is not very good”, you whispered to which Jack giggled, he was propping himself in the desk to reach the glass, you had your hands on him to protect him from falling. There was something on your chest, something you couldn’t quite place.</p><p>“Oh we won”, you shook the kid a little earning a laugh. </p><p>“Rematch”, Morgan said erasing what he had drawn.</p><p>“We got food”, Emily said walking with Reid following her.</p><p>“Oh food”, you exclaimed seeing Jack’s expression at seeing the boxes of pizza.</p><p>The three of you walked into the meeting room, you noticed all the turned boards, smart, you thought.</p><p>You couldn’t help but noticed Reid’s eyes glued to your face. As you helped Jack sit in one of the chairs and giving him a couple of slices.</p><p>“Who is the monster who would put pineapple on pizza?”, Rossi exclaimed, and if you didn’t know him already you would think that this was the most horrible atrocity he could fathom. </p><p>“Some of us like it”, Garcia said defensively. Rossi shook his head taking a seat.</p><p>“We should’ve known better than to pick something Italian for lunch”, Emily shook her head.</p><p>“Hey”, Hotch said scanning the room, his body relaxing when he spotted Jack. “You need to tell me where you are buddy”. He reprimanded, everyone on the room had an expression of understandment, for the kid.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I was with Ms (y/n)”, the kid said sweetly</p><p>“I’m sorry if he bothered you”, he apologized with sincerity on his voice.</p><p>“Not at all, he is great”, you smiled with the same tone. </p><p>“We played Tic Tac Toe Uncle Spencer”, the kid said excitedly.</p><p>“You did?” He asked smiling at him</p><p>“Yes, and I won, right Uncle Morgan?”, he said earning a laugh from the group, even Rossi who seemed to have forgotten about the greatest criminal act against pizza sitting on the table, his words.  </p><p>A couple of minutes latter JJ and the guy named William walked in to join lunch, Emily and you shared conspiratory looks. </p><p> </p><p>“Well I don’t know but I definitely would rather fight one horse sized duck. It’s about logic, and understanding of their anatomy that would give advantage to…”</p><p>You stopped the man with a kiss, turning to check on the chicken. “This is why we don’t bring work talk home”. You joked, the team had been playing a very innocent version of would you rather with Jack earlier. The kid was as bright as his father. </p><p>Spencer bit his lower lip thinking, arranging the salad on the plates and giving them to you, you placed the chicken on the plate and placed the plates on the table. If anyone at all looked at Spencer’s desk they would not believe that his house looked like this. Everything was so organized, spotless clean. You turned to help him clean, you knew he couldn’t eat with a mess in the kitchen.</p><p>“I know where that mind of yours was today”, he said proudly</p><p>“You did? okay show me”, you said sitting down, nibbling on the greens. </p><p>“Yeah, you are in your mid twenties, you have a stable job and you have had unprotected sexual relationships with a guy for the past two weeks”, he said, starting to work on the chicken like if this was the most normal dinner topic.</p><p>“I’m on birth control”, you said defensively, just enough to make him drop it for a couple of minutes. </p><p>“I want some one day”, he said, sipping from his wine.</p><p> </p><p>“want some what?”, you asked, wondering if there was a part of the conversation you missed. </p><p>“Kids”, he said starting to eat as soon as you sat down. You coughed lightly, his words taking you by surprise.</p><p>Mind running a hundred thousand miles an hour you did not know what to say. “I don’t know if I want any, I mean”, you said, he was clearly testing the waters by the look of his face. “I am not opposed to the idea though”, you finished, that had been a satisfying answer apparently.</p><p>“I want at least five”, he said, waiting to see your reaction.</p><p>“At least?”, you exclaimed horrified. “Can you imagine five little yous?”, you said trying to not to think to hard yourself. “We wouldn’t know where to put those little genius”. Your body tensed when you realized the words coming out of your mouth. “When they came visit I mean”, you corrected.</p><p>The bastard looked amused, “Or at home”, he shrugged. “in any case I would pray they are more like their mother”. </p><p>If you hadn’t died already you did now “You fucker, you know what you are doing”, you warned him. That earned a honest to God smile from him.</p><p>That night when Spencer joined the bed and hugged you you had three things in your mind. The first one was a question, Were you two taking things way too quick? You hadn’t even talked about anything officially. You wondered if maybe you two had other type of work you would not be thinking about this things. In the fbi you were aware that life was fragile.You had read about that, partners of people who face danger wanting to get as much of a relationship in as little time.  The second things was, how would a house full of Spencers be like. you imagined a picket fence house with kids running around, the image of their father chasing them. The third one, a lot darker, would Spencer want anything he claims he wants if he knew of your past? You let the second thought cradle you to sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As always, feedback is appreciated. This work has not been Betta'd, I probably will go back and fix any mistakes when the work is over.</p><p>Also guys I need your help. I have a very good idea on the direction of this fic, but I also want to know what you guys would like to read. Feel free to leave any requests.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oh, no no no no”, you said laughing.</p><p>“How many drinks have you had Dave?”, Morgan asked laughing.</p><p>“Not enough kiddo”, He said pulling you up from the couch you were sitting in. </p><p>He lead you to the middle of the small room where he offered you his hand, you narrowed your eyes  before accepting it. </p><p>“C’mon (y/n), just look at the size of this house”, Emily joked from her place on the bar. She was not wrong though, if everything else about him didn’t give it away. Rossi had a mansion.</p><p>“You are lucky today is your birthday”, you said, letting him put a hand around your waist, he started dancing to the soft music.</p><p>“You are saying you do not want to be his twelfth wife?”, Reid asked sarcastically from the loveseat he and JJ were sharing. You shot him a look making him laugh.</p><p>“Hey! the even numbered ones were always my favorites”, Rossi added with a big smile. Earning a loud laugh from everyone present .</p><p>“You are…” you were short of words in between laughs.</p><p> </p><p>The party had decrease in size, it was now just the team on the bar area. As Rossi spun you around to the soft music you saw everyone. So relaxed. It was one of those moments that an outsider would never guess what you guys did for work. They wouldn’t have known that you spent the last week trying to catch a kidnapper in NYC, or the week before that a serial killer in Wisconsin. You shook the thoughts away, deciding you liked the good memories instead.</p><p> </p><p>“Ok old man, you really have had more to drink than you think”, You said laughing when his heel landed on your toes for the third time.</p><p>“Can I steal her?”, you were too focused watching Rossi’s feet to actually had noticed the tall man next to you.</p><p>“Just because I’m a gentleman”, he said plopping in the couch next to Morgan, where you were previously sitting.</p><p>You smiled when his hands met yours, one of his hands in your back pulling you close. Inhaling the smell of his cologne and the scotch Rossi had you all drink you smiled, meeting his eyes. Suddenly there was no one else in the room when he danced leading you. You were about to burrow your face on his chest when you caught yourself, instead shifting your eye line to his shoulder. Maybe everyone in that room had one too many scotches?</p><p>“See? that is how you dance with a lady when you did not finish two bottles of scotch on your own”, Morgan joked when the song finished.</p><p>“Only the best  damn scotch money can buy”, Rossi threw his hands in the air.</p><p>You glanced at Spencer who was now halfway to the bar. Taking his previous seat next to JJ, who had an amused smile on her face, resting her hand on her chin. </p><p> </p><p>“What?” you mouthed, but she just shrugged not really erasing the smile. </p><p> </p><p>“I think we found one”, Garcia said coming upstairs from the basement with Hotch.</p><p>“A good one I suppose?”, Rossi asked unamused, probably more sleep than aware.</p><p>“Yeah, I think so…”, She said now reading the label.</p><p>“Do not make us go into the basement to get another bottle”, Hotch said, a smile threatening to come out. He had gone with Garcia to find the champagne after about the third time Rossi had said her choices were poor. Then two more times, this time saying that Hotch had no taste.</p><p>“You sir are lucky that today is your day”, Garcia said handing him the bottle. He examined, as in reading everything about it, then shook his head.</p><p>“No, no”, morgan said warningly “She stays with me up here, if you want to get a good bottle, you go get it yourself”, he threw his arm around Penelope after he stood up. </p><p>“Poor guy would just face plant on the stairs”, Emily said earning a hearty laugh from the group. </p><p>“(y/n)!” Rossi said calling you urgently with his hand.</p><p>“Yes?”, you asked entertained, not moving an inch.</p><p>“You and the boy who stole you from me, go get a bottle. It’s my birthday”, he added the last part just as a reminder.</p><p>“I don’t know about champagne”, you warned, still standing up and taking the bottle that was close to hitting the floor on his other hand.</p><p>“Maybe the boy will”, He said a big grin on his face.</p><p>“He has known me longer than her”, Reid said nodding his head in defeat.</p><p>“He stole her from you?”, Garcia asked curiously.</p><p>“I was dancing with her, then he came in and took her away from me”, he almost pouted.</p><p>“Wait, Spencer you can dance?”, Garcia asked with indignation on her voice. “Why is it that everytime I ask you to dance you say no?”</p><p>“Because he wants to dance with (y/n)”, Rossi said, putting his finger in the air, as if he had solved a case.</p><p>“Mostly because I don’t know how to dance this newer music”, Spencer said shyly.</p><p>“Oh you old soul”, morgan puckered his lips.</p><p>“My champagne”, Rossi reminded.</p><p>The two of you walked next to Hotch and Emily who shared a conspiratory look before they both sipped from their glasses. </p><p>“How are we supposed to find anything here?”, you said walking around the cellar, bottles on the wall from the floor to the roof.</p><p>“He is just being difficult”, Spencer said putting the champagne back, and taking another bottle. Showing you the label as you laughed.</p><p>“Do you think is going to work?”, you asked taking the bottle from him.</p><p>“Worth a shot, and if he sends us back down here that is just an excuse to do this”, Spencer said pulling you towards him.</p><p>“Hmm Doctor Reid, I thought we agreed to keep our hands off each other, first that little dance, now this?”, you whispered on his ears, feeling the way his hands were already slipping under your shirt. Rossi had told the team that it was a casual thing, so imagine everyone’s horror when you got there and realized Rossi meant casual to his expectations. The only one that actually had it right was Hotch.</p><p>“I just couldn’t sit there watching as someone else danced with you”, he said, the words sending electrical waves to your stomach.</p><p>“I thought you wanted me to be his twelfth wife”, you said giggling when he started placing delicate kisses in your neck. You brought one leg up to his waist. He took that as an invitation to push you against the marble island.</p><p>“Oh Doctor Reid”, you sighed feeling his kisses travel south.</p><p>“Oh no”, you heard someone said behind him, you opened your eyes to see Emily still standing on the stairs. She brought her hands to her face. “Oh no”</p><p>“Emily”, you said when Reid got away from you, looking terrified. You swore you had criminals that looked less afraid than what he was now. </p><p>“Please tell me you are not too drunk I- I came here to tell you that we’ll move to the pool area…”, She started talking fast.</p><p>“Emily”, Reid said trying to walk towards her.</p><p>“Oh my God”, she giggled now moving away. “Just”, she sighed in defeat, “hurry”</p><p>“Damn it”, you said brushing your hair with your fingers. “Reid I’m so sorry I didn’t hear her coming in”</p><p>He rubbed his eyes “Well they would find out sooner or later no?”, He asked shrugging now, after what seemed to be a moment of consideration.</p><p>“Yeah but not like this, not now. It’s way too soon, I don’t know what they would think. We don’t even know what this is”, you said trying to fix your shirt.</p><p>“You are right.” He said, his body tensing a little. You realized the effect of the words a little too late. “Let’s go”, he grabbed the bottle and started making his way up the stairs.</p><p>“Spencer no…” </p><p>You followed him outside, as soon as you crossed the glass doors you took a deep breath. You knew you did not have to say that, it had been… four months? since your first encounter. Since then it had been quite difficult to stay apart. It had become evident that you needed to make sure to keep your hands off each other anytime the team was near, and at work. It had worked, but deep down you knew exactly why Spencer was mad.</p><p>“Whoo hoo”, Rossi called waving his arm. “Now this, this is a good bottle”, he said facing the pool and opening it.</p><p>You waited until he was serving the champagne, and looked at Reid who had an absent look on his face.</p><p>“that is the first bottle Garcia brought to you”, he announced taking his glass.</p><p>“Oh”, he laughed clumsily. </p><p>“I propose a toast, to Dave”, Hotch said tilting his glass to the group. “Hopefully we’ll have you around for a long time, may Garcia have mercy on you”, he added the last line with a playful smile, getting a laugh out of the group.</p><p>“A toast to you guys”, Rossi said mimicking Hotch. “Because tomorrow we’ll be traveling to receive a very deserved award. I wouldn’t have stuck around this long if I knew you guys weren’t there every morning”, that may have been the most emotional thing he had said. </p><p>Everyone raised their glasses and drank. Your body tensing as you remembered why you had started drinking for the night. The FBI was Bestowing the BAU with an award for a change on procedure that had made it possible to stop a serial killer in Delaware a couple of months back. They were also giving Spencer an award for his research in unsub behaviour. You shifted uncomfortable now. Maybe it was for the better that Spencer was mad at you, you needed some alone time.</p><p> </p><p>“Agent Turner”, Hotch said approaching the man. The hurried people of the airport walking around the group.</p><p>You were walking with JJ and Garcia chatting away about something. Your mind had left your body a long time ago.</p><p>“SSA Hotchner”, the man said shaking his hand. “Always a pleasure to see you.”</p><p>“The feeling is mutual” he said turning his body to face the group. “This are SSA Morgan, SSA Prentiss, Dr Reid, Agent Jareau, Agent Garcia, and of course you know SSA (y/ln)”</p><p>“(y/n)”, he said as you gave him a brief hug. “Last time she was here her name was agent”, he joked getting a chuckle out of you</p><p>“Nice to see you.”, you said smiling</p><p>“It is a pleasure to meet everyone, (y/n) talks about you all the time”, you blushed lightly. “Dr Reid, a pleasure to finally meet you, congratulations.”</p><p>You held your breath as Reid shook his hand.</p><p>“A pleasure to meet you sir”, he said.</p><p>You heard someone clear their throat behind Turner, that is when your eyes landed on the man. </p><p>“Paul”, you exclaimed, running into his arm as soon as he opened them for you.</p><p>“Hi gorgeous”, he said rubbing your back with his hands.</p><p>“What are you doing here”, you said with a big smile on your face.</p><p>“I wanted to say hi of course”, he took a step back examining you. “Gorgeous as always”, you smiled at him.</p><p>“Such a gentleman”, you joked, a lump in your throat. “Guys”, you turned around to see the confuse face of the team, and the clenched jaw of one Dr Reid. “This is Paul Martin he is a sergeant for the Seattle PD.”, you explained.</p><p>“Pleasure to meet everyone”, you let everyone make the introductions as he shook their hands. Spencer’s had been a little bit longer than what it probably should’ve been. You shook your head, there would be plenty of time to explain once home. It was that thought that caught you, you were home, in theory. Now you were thinking of D.C. like home.</p><p>“Well I will escort you to your hotel”, Turner said politely.</p><p>“Hey (y/n), wanna come with? we can catch up”, Paul asked facing you.</p><p>“Yes”, you said a little too eager. “Guys I will see you at the hotel?”, you asked clearing your throat.</p><p>“Of course, be safe”, Hotch nodded your way, then handed you the keys to your room that he had gotten from the FBI agent that was outside the plane. Then looked at Reid’s expression. The muscles on his face tense and defined.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll be there tomorrow?”, you asked turning to see Paul when the car parked in front of the hotel.</p><p>“Of course, I will be the guy clapping extra hard when they call your name.”, You pulled him in for a hug.</p><p>“Shit I missed you”, you said tears in your eyes now.</p><p>“Me too, Hey (y/n)”, he called when you opened the door. “I was true to my promise, you’ll see everything is in order.”</p><p>“Thanks”, you whispered entering the hotel. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>You knew what you needed to do, you knew what you needed to do. You repeated as you entered your room. Changing outfits quickly and trying to find your phone. A knock came from the door, your heart skipped a beat knowing who it was.</p><p>“Spencer”, you said opening the door and letting him. “I need to go do something, can we talk later?”, you asked, your fingers fidgeting with the keys.</p><p>“No”, he said dryly.</p><p>“Spencer…”</p><p>“No, I cannot let you go without you hearing me. I respect that you do not want the team to know I get it. I get it that whoever that guy was is probably a good friend of yours. I have no right to be jealous I know. But I also know I cannot live another day of my life without you knowing the truth. I don’t care if they know, I don’t care, because I love you. I love you and I know that we’ve known each other for like six months, and I know that this is quick and you probably think this is me just saying how I think I feel. That is not the case, because loving you is the clearest thing on my mind is the only thing that I do not second guess every time I think about it.”, He said, frustration on his voice.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You love me?”, you whispered, your hands reaching his. He nodded his head “Spencer I need you to come with me.”</p><p>“(y/n)...”</p><p>“Just come with me, you’ll understand everything.”, you pulled him next to you, your heart beating faster.</p><p>you did not care if someone from the team might see you. You took his hand the whole way out, as if letting him go would make him vanish. You walked out into the streets you knew too well, the wet concrete making a familiar sound under your feet. You saw Spencer that looked terrified. You knew what you needed to do. You pivoted into the flower shop, Spencer crocking his eyebrow. </p><p>“Mr Heff?”, you called entering</p><p>“Is that who I think it is?”, a warm old voice came from behind shrubs of flowers. “(Y/n)! long time no see”, the old man pulled you into a quick hug.</p><p>“I know, I have been busy, I’ve been meaning to come visit”, you took Spencer’s hand again, making the old man glance between the two of you.</p><p>“I’m happy for you”, he said getting to work, you ignored Spencer’s eyes glued to the side of your face, when the men handed you the two floral arrangements he was working on. </p><p>“This is Dr Spencer Reid, he is a co-worker”, you explained</p><p>“Nice to meet you Dr”, he said politely</p><p>“Keep the change”, you handed him a bill and he nodded.</p><p>“Be safe”, The man said. His eyes following you out of the shop.</p><p> You kept walking, ignoring Spencer’s confused looks. It wasn’t until the floor change from concrete to grass that he examined the terrain. It didn’t stop you as you walked, knowing the path from memory. You did not stop until you were standing in front of two graves.</p><p>“I didn’t know you were coming here”, he said softly hugging you to his side.</p><p>“It’s okay, this is my mom”, you said putting one of the arrangements in the stone. “And this is… was my husband”, you said putting the other one on the other grave. </p><p>His eyes immediately shot to meet yours. Your eyes were now overflowing with tears when he pulled you in for a hug.</p><p>You were sitting cleaning some of the leaves that had fallen over the stones. You propped yourself up patting the ground as you walked towards the man who was sitting on a bench a couple of feet away.</p><p>“I should’ve told you before.”, you said apologetically. </p><p>“It’s okay”, he said standing up and pulling you into a hug, you noticed how just the smell of him made you relax under his touch.</p><p>“When my mom died”, you started. “I came to live with my grandparents. I loved her Spencer she was a great mom, but I couldn’t help but miss the normal life that most girls were having. My grandpa resorted to alcohol every time something ticked him off. I only saw my grandma smile a couple of times in the ten years I lived with them, and I cannot blame them. I don’t pretend to know what was happening in their heads. I really wanted though, I had lost my mom but they had lost their kid. When my aunt came to pick me up sometimes I couldn’t help but notice how she looked at me, like I was the only reminder of her sister. That is why when the opportunity came I took a scholarship.”, You said he tried to reach for your hands. “I’m dirty”, you said showing him for hands with dirt on them.</p><p>“I don’t care”, he cupped your hands in his delicately, sitting down so you could tell your story. You placed your head on his shoulder, closing your eyes.</p><p>“I relocated to Seattle shortly after, and in the first night I was out in the supermarket when I met him. Sebastian Foley, he was the most charming guy I had met. He was a firefighter.  I loved him instantly, you know? like when you know something is about to happen and you cannot stop it, and you do not want to stop it. You let it flow, we married at 21, just three months after knowing each other. We married in California in the beach, he had no family and I prefered to keep that moment to myself. Every night he would come home and tell me all the amazing people he had met. We used to talk about the life we were going to build, a suburb’s home with so many children running around. I remember telling him how I wanted a pink house, he did not mind, he said whatever made me happy.”, your voice broke, “There was this one time, I was already working for SS, Paul, who was a friend of both of us, came in. Sebastian had ended up in the hospital. He told me how he tried to save a family of seven, but they all died in the fire in front of him. He came back home after a week, but not really. I never saw him again after he left home that morning. He never not once mentioned the incident, he did not want to talk about a house, or if we wanted hardwood or carpet. He said once how he did not think he wanted children anymore. He slipped from my hands slowly, like something that was going to happen and I couldn’t stop it. Or at least I said that to myself. I had a psychology degree Spencer, and I did nothing”, tears were falling freely down your face.</p><p>“It wasn’t your position…”, you pressed his hands lightly.</p><p>“But it was, I was his wife. I did nothing, not even when he told me how naive I was, how he did not know if we were in love because we were young and stupid. How that night he held me tightly without anything else on his mouth. About three weeks from our anniversary, and a month after the incident, someone knocked the door. It was Paul again, this time he was crying, he held me as he told me that Sebastian had died, a building collapsed on top of him”, You felt your breath getting quicker before Spencer hugged you.</p><p>“You can stop”, he said kissing your head.</p><p>You shook your head, “I saw every sign Spencer, I did. I was just too busy dreaming of a future that wasn’t mine anymore. I was selfish, I let him go. They said it was an accident but, his radio was malfunctioning, and I know he would not enter a building if he wasn’t in communication. The date on the Stone is a lie, I had lost him much earlier than that. After the fact I quit my job, I didn’t deserve to do a job like that. Then Turner, who knew my mom, offered me to take me to the academy. I accept it.”</p><p>“And now you are here.”, he sighed</p><p>“And now I’m here”, you rubbed your face with the back of your hand, “and I love you”, you finished, his glossy eyes meeting you one more time.</p><p>“(y/n)...”</p><p>“I know you think I don’t mean it but I do. I love you like this, because this is the only way I know how to love. Unapologetically and fast.”, you said, your hands shaking.</p><p>“I love you”, he kissed your lips tenderly, like you were going to break if it had been any other way.</p><p>“You would’ve liked him”, you said after a while of just sitting there and embracing each other. “He was a great guy”.</p><p>“He must’ve been”, Spencer said thinking.</p><p>“A penny for your thoughts?”, you said fumbling in your pocket till you got out a copper coin and placed it on his hands.</p><p>“His name was Tobias Hankel”, he started “He, he took me”, he cleared his throat. You knew this story. </p><p>“Spencer…”</p><p>“You need to know”, he said kissing your cheek, “He did, horrible things, he was damaged, but he made me hurt… I was tied there in a chair, not knowing if the team would catch my hints as to where I was. I felt weak, my mind wondered if any one else, literally anyone else was sitting here, would they be able to take it differently? would they fight him better than I was? At the end I was just hurting, unable to move. Then he came, he injected me Dilaudid. The pain went away. It felt good you know? If that is what I needed to not feel weak I decided I needed it. It took me months to start getting clean. Even to a couple of months ago, I was looking for reasons not to. I was fighting with my mind to avoid doing something stupid. Then you walked in to my life and I… I understood I was looking for reasons to do it instead of not doing it. I stopped, I don’t know what is there about you, but you make me want to be a better person.”, he finished, you were looking into his eyes.</p><p>“We all have a past, what matters is this, what would happen when we walk out of here”, he said softly, the torment in his eyes going away momentarily.</p><p>“Would you hold my hand?”, you ask innocently.</p><p>He did, he held your hand all the way back to the hotel. </p><p>“About the team…”, he stopped right in front of the door.</p><p>“I want them to know”, you smiled in what seemed to be for forever. </p><p>“That you are my girlfriend?”, he asked crooking an eyebrow.</p><p>What happened next happened in a matter of three seconds.</p><p>You jumped in his arms, feeling your heartbeat increase, savoring the words that came out of his mouth. You were his girlfriend.</p><p>A loud noise, you separated from him just enough to see the drops of blood in his face.</p><p>“(y/n)”, he yelled, it seemed distance though, as you slipped from his hands into the floor. The world clouding around you, your vision closing. Pain</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first sense that came to you in the fog of your mind was the smell. It smelled clean, no no clean, sterile. The bleach mixed with very powerful laundry detergent, the smell of narcotics and cough syrup lingering filling your lungs before. Nothing, fog again. Then the taste. It taste metallic, like pennies. Your mouth was bone dry but somehow the taste of gun metal and dirt got into the back of your throat. Your tongue launched from the roof of your mouth where it had dried in to the resting position, you tried moving it to utter a sound. Nothing, fog again. The hearing came slowly, as if whatever was happening around you was getting closer. A soft methodical beeping sound coming from far away to right next to your ear. There were some whispers in the distance as well. Voices speaking a language you did not understand, you concentrated to hear and pick up anything you could make sense to. Nothing fog. It was cold, you thought when the touch finally came from you. Everything was cold, from the bed you were laying in to the air around you. The roughness of the sheets layed on top of you made you want to shuffle. Everything was cold except your hand, you noted. You tried moving your hands, perhaps a finger to feel the source of heat and bring it closer. Nothing fog again, this time the fog was denser. You tried to see, your vision blurred and incomplete. When you actually did open your eyes offending lights flooded your brain, sending sharp daggers through your head. You blinked several times before your pupils adapted to the environment. Everything was white from where you were seeing. Convincing your body to shift your head you finally saw the source of the warmth.</p><p>“Spence”, your voice came like a rasp and a whisper, it had been however loud enough to get the man’s attention. </p><p>“(y/n)?”, He whispered, his face coming to your line of vision and getting closer to your face. His hazel eyes hidden behind crystals.</p><p>“You were crying”, your voice betrayed you again, every sound coming from the back of your throat. You noticed his worried eyes inspecting your face. You could almost see the gears turning behind the messy curls that sat on top of his head.</p><p>“(y/n), do you know where you are?”, he asked softly, everything you could see was his face. Yet you knew, deducted by all your other senses.</p><p>“Hospital”. You saw him nod his head, worry planted on his shoulders.</p><p>“My shoulder…”, you whispered, when you localized the source of the pain.</p><p>“Yes”, he said, sucking his lips to his mouth, he was nervous.</p><p>“I’m okay”, you said, a reassurance to him and not you. </p><p>“(y/n)... you were shot on the shoulder, you remember that?”, he asked, cautiously, as if breaking a secret. </p><p>“I was shot on the shoulder”, you echoed, noticing the burning feeling.</p><p>“You remember?”, he asked, this time your eyes pooled with tears as you shook your head.</p><p>“Hey”, he shushed as soon as he saw your reaction, he put one of his hands in your cheek, his thumb warming the cold skin under it. “You’re fine”, he placed a kiss in your dried lips, not waiting for a reciprocation.</p><p>“Were we mugged?”, you asked, willing yourself to look around. Your eyes landed on the tense man standing in the corner.</p><p>“No”, He replied simply. Your mind could only focus on one thing at the time. You decided to concentrate on the man whose body tensed and shifted when the answer came.</p><p>“What happened?”, a death silence lifted in the room. “Please”, your plead came a lot more like begging than you wanted to. </p><p>“We don’t know”, Hotchner finally spoke. His words coming slowly, like they were meticulously selected to appease you. </p><p>“What do we know?”, you mimicked his tone as best as you could.</p><p>“(y/n)”, the man right in front of you demanded attention, your body completely bent to his will followed his voice to his face. He looked tired, he looked nervous. Spencer always had that pensive state, his mind never stopped working not even for a second. Right now though, his mind seemed to be frenzied by something. </p><p>“Tell me”, you pleaded again same tone as before.</p><p>“Sixteen FBI agents were shot about two hours ago”, Hotch said, his usual professional voice, and that was enough to dissipate the remaining fog. </p><p>“What?”, a buzzing sound coming from your cranium. You closed your eyes before opening them again, clarity again, your whole body now in work mode. A million questions crossed your brain, you tried to think about what had happened. You had hugged Spencer and then you heard a sound? No, you thought, your mind taking you back to the front of the hotel. You had heard a sound as your body embraced his.</p><p>“(y/n)”, Spencer said, clearly calling you back to earth. You saw his face again. He did not look just nervous, he looked tormented. </p><p>“What are their conditions?”, you asked, making sure to make your voice come out as an order.</p><p>“I don’t think…”</p><p>“What are their conditions.”, your jaw clenched as you bit down.</p><p>“We lost nine, other six are in surgery. They might not make it”, Hotchner said, his voice about to break. “You were the only one who…”</p><p>“Anyone we know?”, you asked, your body not prepared for the answer.</p><p>“No, the team is safe”, Spencer said taking your hand again.</p><p>“I need water”, you simply said, he nodded, scrambling to get a cup of water from the pitcher in a table. You noticed Hotch’s body in that moment as he meticulously watched Spencer.  </p><p>“Here”, he offered you the plastic cup, helping you bring it to your lips. “Slowly”, he cautioned softly, as you gulped the contents.</p><p>“So”, you started as carefully as you could, anticipating the anger of the two men. “This was done by more than one person”.</p><p>“I don’t think now is the time for you to think about that”, Hotch said getting closer now, still keeping his distance, like he did not want to burst the privacy bubble.</p><p>“You are”, you answered plainly.</p><p>“I wasn’t shot in the shoulder”, he copied your tone.</p><p>“What is it?”, you asked, wanting to know the real reason.</p><p>“The big bosses do not want us to mingle in this situation. SPD is taking the lead”, he replied, still with a stern look.</p><p>“(y/n), right now the only thing you need to do is get some rest”, Spencer said, his voice clearly exasperated. He probably chose his words as to not startled himself.</p><p>“Is that what the team is doing?”, your eyebrow raised. </p><p>“The team is in a safe location right now.”</p><p>“You are telling me they are not doing anything?”, you tried to sit up even more than what the already inclined bed was letting you. A pain shot through your shoulder tingling sensation all through your arm. </p><p>“Hey”, Spencer noticed and examined you for a moment. His whole body concentrating in your wound.</p><p>“I’m okay”, you whispered to him, his face meeting yours.</p><p>“I will get a nurse, they need to know you are awake”, he said, hurriedly exiting the room.</p><p>“Hotch”, you started, the man gave a couple more steps.</p><p>“I will not allow you to put yourself in any more risks”, he said, now you could see his tension. </p><p>“Hotch”, you repeated, licking your bottom lip and looking away, “That bullet was not meant for me was it?”</p><p>“What?”, he asked his body going rigid, he eyed the door.</p><p>“You have thought about that too? So has he”, you said following his eyes.</p><p>“We have no way of confirming or denying that”, he simply said meeting your eyes that were watering. “I’m sorry”, he said now, the sincerity in his voice almost palpable.</p><p>“Hotch, that bullet, I heard the sound as I hugged him.” The tears were now falling freely. “Fifteen out of Sixteen shots fired actually caused damage, are you telling me that I got lucky?”</p><p>“You were shot, there is nothing lucky about that”, he said between his teeth. </p><p>“I was shot in the shoulder, while nine of my colleagues lost their lives, and six others are fighting for their lives right now, tell me, what do we know”, you stayed as serious as you could, knowing that any slip of break in your voice might remind him who was in the bed with tubes coming out of their arms.</p><p>“They don’t want us to do anything, they want us to stay put and wait for further instructions.”, he said exasperated now. “They only let me come because I am your superior and they decided someone needed to be here when you woke up.”, you understood now some of the strange words that you heard while sleeping. They were arguing.</p><p>“I want to go to work, we need to catch this guys”, you said, at the exact same moment as Spencer entered your room.</p><p>“I will not let you do that”, he said weary, sensing the tension in the room. </p><p>“It’s not up to any of you. Your options are doing this on your terms or mine”, you said.</p><p>“This is unacceptable behavior”, Hotch stood now firmly.</p><p>“Hotch… Whoever did this, whatever happened. We need to stop this.”</p><p>“(y/n) you cannot play avenger right now, you need rest.”, Spencer said standing next to hotch, both men with their arms crossed.</p><p>“If I knew you two would just drop it so would I, but that is not happening. You cannot lie to me and tell me that Garcia isn’t trying to download her programs on the laptop she brought, or that Morgan and Prentiss aren’t going around asking questions.”, you knew your words were right when Spencer sucked his lips into his mouth.</p><p>“I could have you suspended immediately”, Hotch threatened.</p><p>“Then do it, do that or go talk to my nurse and see if they can let me out. Tell her you think that for safety reasons I should stay close to people who can protect me, with you guys.”</p><p>“(y/n) I will not let him do that”, Spencer said now, his body tensed, his breathing heavy.</p><p>“Why not?”, you asked shrugging before the sharp pain in your shoulder came back.</p><p>“Because I fucking care about you, I could have lost you today I will not let you go following bad guys like it is a fucking game, I will not let you do that”, His body radiating anger at this point. </p><p>“I will not be playing, that is my job”, you said, before your eyes watered you looked away, your eyes landing on the cellphone in the side table, next to other belongings.</p><p>“I could actually help”, you whispered, Hotch was the first one who met your eyes. His gaze narrowing. “Paul”, you simply said.</p><p>You saw his huff a little, still his body changed, he was calculating risks.</p><p>“I could call him, asking what he knows”, You said extending your hand towards Spencer, “I will not do that without your permission”.</p><p>You knew it was a bold thing to say, especially when your actual boss was next to you. He looked at you, letting the tiredness show in his eyes. “I love you Spencer, if you tell me to stop I will. I promise you I will not put myself in any intentional danger, I promise you. Give me a fighting chance, that is all I ask from you. Let me help you guys in any way I can.” You said when his hand took yours your pressed it lightly.</p><p>He looked back at Hotchner, probably with the same face you had. He nodded his head solemnly. </p><p>“I will go get the nurse”, He exited the room. </p><p>“I love you”, Spencer said, letting his voice break and his eyes water again.</p><p>“I love you too”, you said, pressing his hand tighter this time.</p><p>‘Whoever tried to hurt you will pay Spencer’, you thought as he pulled you to a soft hug, being careful with your shoulder, you couldn’t help but notice how you stitches lined with his chest, where his heart was beating rhythmically.</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The nurse eyed him, before looking at you. You looked at him, trying not to give anything away. His brown hair was messier than usual and his blue eyes looking you for any sign of pain.</p><p>“I was just telling Agent (y/l/n) that I do not recommend her leaving”, The nurse said, now eyeing some charts.</p><p>“This is a letter from my captain, he thinks it’ll be in her best interest if we can get her to a secure location”, Paul handed her a piece of paper. He stood still, trying to concentrate on the nurse as his body read hers. You saw Hotch tense a little.</p><p>“Ok, I will go get your stuff, but as soon as you can you need to come back for observation. You will need to follow all the rules I told you about okay?”, She asked, writing something down and stepping away.</p><p>“Yes ma’am”, you managed to say before she left. </p><p>“Oh God”, paul sighed now stepping closer, “How are you? how are you feeling?”</p><p>“I’m okay”, you said, tears already pooling on your eyes. It was too late, you knew you needed to keep your calm if you were planning on getting out of here.</p><p>“Gorgeous, are you sure?”, he asked, caressing your face.</p><p>“I am, please get me out of here”, you pleaded as he nodded.</p><p>“My captain also thought it was best to get you out of here”, he said finally leaving your side and handing a letter to Hotch, he read it.</p><p>“Do they believe she is in danger?”, he asked concerned.</p><p>“I will brief you in the hotel room, you will all need to wear these”, he handed police hats to the two man.</p><p>“My clothes, they are…” you looked at your clothes. “Maybe I can wear my jeans, but my shirt…”</p><p>“Here”, Spencer said shrugging his sweater off and handing it to you.</p><p>“Thanks”, you said taking it.</p><p>“We’ll give you some privacy to change”, Hotch said patting Spencer on the shoulder.</p><p>Paul stayed for a second realizing Spencer did not flinch. He looked between the two of you for a second before stepping out.</p><p>“Here”, Spencer said helping you wiggle into your jeans. You grimaced when the vibrations hit your shoulder. “(y/n) please”, he looked at you for any signs of regret.</p><p>“I’ll be fine”, you smiled up at him.</p><p>He helped you finish changing, buttoning his sweater around you.</p><p>“Let’s go”, you said walking out of the room, Spencer helping you walk since your whole body felt weak.</p><p>“Turner is going to be up there already, I need everyone to understand that we have nothing clear, and any information I give you is confidential”, Paul said parking the car in the parking lot.</p><p>As careful as possible the four of you made your way to the elevator. Where the entire BAU had been located for safety. You sighed in relief when the doors opened revealing the team around the room.</p><p>“What are you doing here?”, Morgan asked almost angrily.</p><p>“(y/n)”, Agent Turner said hugging you, being careful with your shoulder. You sank into his arms feeling the warm welcome of the man closest resembling your family for years.</p><p>“Jim”, you said with tears in your face.</p><p>“(y/n) you should be resting”, Rossi said now approaching you.</p><p>“Here come here sweetie”, Garcia said helping you get to the couch where you sat down, “Oh my poor baby”, she cried.</p><p>“I’m okay you guys, I’m here to help”, you said, trying to convey certainty.</p><p>“You are here to rest”, Hotch said seriously as he examined the writing on the makeshift boards.</p><p>“Here is what we know”, Paul said. “We are thinking five individuals, all of them with handguns that were not registered. They had to know that the convention was happening and the names of the three hotels in which the agents were staying.”</p><p>“We think they might be anti-government, since no terrorist group has claimed responsibility”, Emily said pointing to the board.</p><p>“We caught one of them”, Paul said, all eyes going to him.</p><p>“You have a suspect?”, Spencer asked, separating his eyes from the writing and looking at him.</p><p>“Yes, we believed he killed three of the agents, he is refusing to speak”, he explained.</p><p>“Maybe he is stalling”, Rossi said, looking around like the answers of his question laid on the room.</p><p>“Maybe so, how did you get him?”, you asked.</p><p>“Have you ruled out suicide by cop? most killers with herd mentality see this as their destiny”, Spencer added.</p><p>“He was running away, a witness pointed us at his direction. Look, guys, the FBI’s big bosses is asking us to not say anything but truth is, we need help. That is why I’m here, you guys can help us.”, he said running his hand through his hair.</p><p>“Rossi, you Morgan and Turner could go to the police station, maybe help with the interview, get him talking”, Hotch said reading a text message he had just received.</p><p>“Reid, Strauss wants you and Prentiss to help with the internal investigation”, he finished putting his cell on his pocket. “I’ll be there as well”.</p><p>“I am not leaving”, Spencer said firmly.</p><p>“I understand, but chief Strauss wants-”</p><p>“I do not care about what she wants, I will not leave (y/n) here”, he said, getting all eyes on him.</p><p>“Spencer… you will be a lot more helpful with the resources than here. I promise I’ll be fine”, you whispered taking his hand.</p><p>“I will not leave you”, he repeated.</p><p>“They need you”, you whispered again as he brought his face close to yours. “I will be fine I promise”, you gave him a weak smile as he place a chaste kiss on your lips.</p><p>“We were not doing that before”, Morgan said surprised.</p><p>“I love you”, you said, reassuringly.</p><p>“I love you too”, he whispered.</p><p>“Spence, I will stay here with her and Garcia, we’ll protect her”, JJ said, understanding what was happening.</p><p>“Yes, we will stay by her side”, Garcia agreed.</p><p>Reid nodded his head. </p><p>“Let’s do this”, Hotch said exiting the room followed by Spencer and Emily, who gave you a quick hug before leaving.</p><p>“We need our strategy, you need to tell us everything about the suspect, his behavior, his mannerisms anything”, Morgan said to Paul as they prepared to exit the room. When enough time passed after the first group left they started leaving.</p><p>“Hey (y/n), we’ll get them”, Turner said looking at you.</p><p>“I know”, you gave him a small smile your eyes showing the fear.</p><p>“I love you kid, you’ve always been part of my family”, he smiled.</p><p>“I know Jim”, You smiled, he was the last to exit the room, you were closing the door behind him when you heard gunshots.</p><p>Your mind went cloudy again, your body trying to ignore the pain on your shoulder as you opened the door hurriedly. In the hallway, Morgan was pointing a gun, in the opposite side a man with a ski mask lied unconscious. Your eyes darted to Morgan again, a body in front of him on the floor. Silver hair tainted with blood.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry for your lost kid”</p><p>“Thank you”</p><p>“He was a great man”</p><p>“I miss him Jim”</p><p>“I know you do, but (y/n) life goes on, it doesn’t get easier it just keeps going, you need to make sure you keep going with it. Life is a funny thing and it will leave you behind so easy.”</p><p>“I don’t know how to go on, he was everything to me.”</p><p>“You live, you take every day knowing that you are the only one who can carry the infinite amount of love he felt for you.”</p><p>“You think that would work?”</p><p>“It has to, because the world needs people like you”, He smiled. That smile of the father you never knew, the smile of the man who had taken you under his wing without a second thought. He had given you a roof and food when you had stopped fighting.</p><p>“Thank you”, you whispered, the cold air looming around the cemetery.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Jim”, you launched to his unconscious body on the floor and JJ pulled you back. Morgan quickly came in front of you taking you in his arms. The taste of blood and gunmetal once again in your tongue. You tried to push him but he held you there in place as the your whole face got wet and the screams could not stop leaving your body.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You muted the TV, the headache only growing as the Newscaster said the same thing, over and over again. It seemed like there was no more to the story. </p><p>You approached the door opening it when it knocked.</p><p>“How are you doing?”, The man on the other said asked carefully, you simply shrugged your shoulders, walking back inside. You saw his eyes go to the muted TV. “(y/n) if you want to stay that would be okay, you are not going to be able to go back to work for a couple of weeks anyway.</p><p>“No”, you whispered finally, Hotch nodded. “He’s going to be cremated,his wife will take him to Australia, which was his favorite place and scatter there”, You explained, tears flooding your eyes.</p><p>“He was a great man”, Hotch put his arms around you carefully, you melted in the embrace.</p><p>“They are not saying the names”, You said after what appeared to be forever. He looked at you confusedly. “Tanner Smith, Jessica Smith, James Matthews, Eliza Padilla, Manuel Torres”, he tried stopping you before you continued, “Kyle Hunter, Brett Stone, Tyler Predly, Octavia Lashawn, Anna Lori, Lisa Keen, Christian Soo, Jordan Griffin, Abraham Mosby, James Turner”, You said the last name with a knot in your throat. </p><p>“Fifteen people died Hotch, fifteen FBI agents were killed by a bunch of people who hated the government? People who saw their lives as pieces of a larger organization, not caring that ten of them had partners and kids, not caring that one of them, Lisa Keen, was five months pregnant.”, The tears were falling. “Jim had two kids, a wife, two parents. He volunteered at the church Saturday nights, he mowed his neighbor’s lawns on Sunday’s, anything he could do to help. He saw a young woman whose husband had died and he took her to live with him, he gave her a job, he saved my life Hotch. Yet the news are only talking about the seven men who decided one day to create a group of hatred?”</p><p>“(y/n)”, He started, before you started full on sobbing, He pulled you for another hug. His arms protective and tender around you. “Remember when I said the first time we worked together? When I saw you reading?”, He asked you when the sobbing had almost stopped. You nodded your head, he still continued, “We do everything we can in this job to remind ourselves that we are human”. He said.</p><p>“How do I do that Hotch?”, You asked, voice trembling.</p><p>“You keep going. This job takes pieces from us, that we are not going to be taking back, ever. But we can still keep living, try and find ways to create new pieces”, He said.</p><p>“Hey Kiddo”, Rossi said, knocking the door as he walked in. “Hey”, He said approaching, moving Hotch out of the way. “Nothing of that”, He placed his hand on your shoulder, his other hand under your jaw carefully, He held your head high. “We are going home okay? if you want to cry do so, but do not look down. You are going to hold your head up and move forward you understand?”, You nodded your head slightly, getting a small smile from Rossi.<br/>“Aaron, get her bag”, he instructed, not giving you time to argue and walking out, the team was waiting in the Lobby.</p><p>Spencer quickly approached you to get your bag and take your hand. You accepted it walking out of the hotel.</p><p>One week, had happened since the shootings. One week, it wasn’t hard to get the unsubs, they had been working at the hotel, knowing that the FBI meeting was happening. They weren’t good killers, they weren’t skilled, they were hateful. The drive to the air strip was filled with a heavy silence and mourning. Even the first thirty minutes on the air were hard, the whole team sitting really close.</p><p>“So”, you cleared your throat, breaking the silence. “I guess we were getting late for take off and mom and dad drew the short straws to get me”, You pointed at Hotch and Rossi, who looked up at you.</p><p>Morgan was the first one to chuckle “You know they are mama hens, we didn’t even need to ask them”, the whole team had smiles now.</p><p>“They wouldn’t let me go up”, Spencer said defensively, you snuggle close to him. He had been having short words lately, probably realizing there wasn’t a lot he could do. Probably realizing there weren’t enough words to fix this.</p><p>“That’s okay I still love you”, you kissed his cheeks.</p><p>“BTWs, I knew about this first, I didn’t know about the I love you part, but I knew about other parts”, Emily said now, pointing between you and Spencer.</p><p>“Actually Hotch knew first”, you said to which Spencer’s jaw dropped.</p><p>“He knew?”, you nodded.</p><p>“Yeah Dr Reid, you are not necessarily subtle”, Hotch teased.</p><p>“I can’t believe Reid actually hide this from his best friend”, Morgan faked hurt.</p><p>JJ cleared her throat loudly. </p><p>“Yeah baby boy, JJ is his best friend.”, Garcia said shrugging</p><p>Morgan crossed his arms and sunk into the seat, like a child throwing a tantrum. </p><p>The silence fell again, this time a lot less crushing, you snuggled closer to Spencer, taking in his scent. He kissed the top of your head.<br/>“Read to me”, you said loud enough, he looked at you, eyes wondering.</p><p>You supposed that we would say he didn’t have a book in hand, and he didn’t. But he understood what you wanted him to do, you needed to hear his voice.</p><p>“Ok”, he bit his lips, trying to find one in his head. “Okay”, he said again, rearranging himself so that your head was now in his chest. The whole team was waiting for him to start, he looked around. “I read this one a while ago, What Life Should Be, by Pat A fleming.”</p><p>“To learn while still a child<br/>What this life is meant to be.<br/>To know it goes beyond myself,<br/>It's so much more than me.”</p><p>You saw Garcia snuggle close to Morgan.</p><p>“To overcome the tragedies,<br/>To survive the hardest times.<br/>To face those moments filled with pain,<br/>And still manage to be kind.”</p><p>You saw Morgan hugging Garcia closer to him, placing kisses on her hair.</p><p>“To fight for those who can't themselves,<br/>To always share my light.<br/>With those who wander in the dark,<br/>To love with all my might.</p><p>To still stand up with courage,<br/>Though standing on my own.<br/>To still get up and face each day,<br/>Even when I feel alone.”</p><p>Emily and JJ were both sipping from their teas, a blanket sprawled on top of them. </p><p>“To try to understand the ones<br/>That no one cares to know.<br/>And make them feel some value<br/>When the world has let them go.”, </p><p>JJ hugged herself, resting her head on the wall and smiling lightly.</p><p>“To be an anchor, strong and true,<br/>That person loyal to the end.<br/>To be a constant source of hope<br/>To my family and my friends.”</p><p>Emily was holding something on her other hand, her fingers fidgeting the foreign object.</p><p>“To live a life of decency,<br/>To share my heart and soul.<br/>To always say I'm sorry<br/>When I've harmed both friend and foe.”</p><p>Rossi had his eyes close, still his face reacted to the words, a soft smile on his lips. </p><p> </p><p>“To be proud of whom I've tried to be,<br/>And this life I chose to live.<br/>To make the most of every day<br/>By giving all I have to give.”</p><p>Hotch was also holding something, this you recognized, it was a very tiny keychain teddy bear, it matched the one that Jack had gotten when he was born. The fabric was worn down, he still held it delicately.</p><p>“To me that's what this life should be,<br/>To me that's what it's for.<br/>To take what God has given me<br/>And make it so much more”</p><p>You looked up to Spencer, who was looking down at you, he gave you a small smile, you reciprocated. Squeezing his hand slightly. </p><p>“To live a life that matters,<br/>To be someone of great worth.<br/>To love and be loved in return<br/>And make my mark on Earth.”</p><p>You looked around, everyone’s faces were showing the tiredness of the week, but they also showed the unconditional love that everyone in that plane had for one another. In that moment you understood it would not be easy, you understood it would not be all good days. But as long as you were with your family there was nothing in the world that together you wouldn’t overcome. You let those thoughts carry you to sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Feedback is appreciated, this was not Betta'd.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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